Finding Oneself, and More Importantly, Food
by RyDeNiSlOvE
Summary: Kendall and James have to battle munchies, fans, goats, and even themselves on their great quest to find something to eat. M for language, sex, drugs, rock n' roll, etc. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Alright guys! I'm not dead! Not only that, but I'm writing a chaptered story (this is only, like, my second ever in fanfiction), which I usually don't finish. But I have high hopes for this one, since the entire plot is pretty me and I don't really have as much of a problem writing it. I usually get stuck and stuff, but I'm on chapter eight (eight!) and still going strong. **

**Anywho, I feel obligated to explain this story a little bit because I'm not sure if the plot will make sense. Basically, the story just details the events of one night and the morning after, although the chapters aren't in chronological order. It starts off with the morning, in this chapter, which is supposed to be kind of like an introduction, (yeah, sorry for the lack of action or anything in the very beginning, it picks up in chapter two and way picks up in four). Next chapter is night, and next is morning, I'm just kind of skipping around and filling in the plot. **

**So don't be like 'aaah what day is this wtf is going on' because it's NOT IN ORDER and if everyone just saw this author's note and went tl;dr then hopefully you noticed the capital letters screaming at you.**

**There's also no porn till chapter five so if that's why you're here then wait.**

1

"Hey Logan," Kendall sighed, tapping his fingers against the side of his knee. "Call me back if you get this soon, if not…just forget about it, I guess, I kind of need a ride home, so…yeah. Call me. Alright, bye."

"You leave the most awkward voicemails," James put in the instant he hung up, folding his arms across his chest and acting like such a goddamn _diva_. It was just something about the semi-demeaning look on his face and the fact that he wasn't taking _any_ responsibility for getting the two into a remarkable mess. Three if you counted the mohawk guy sitting silently at the table across the room.

"Yeah, well, you're disgusting," Kendall muttered into his hands before pulling them down his face exasperatedly. "This is all your fucking fault. Don't even talk to me."

Mohawk guy looked up apprehensively, eyeing James and Kendall. Kendall glared in his direction, and he quickly returned his gaze to the table, tapping his foot and sighing. God, this was all such bullshit. Kendall didn't even _know_ this guy. He was sitting in the living room of someone he didn't even know. Making himself right at home and arguing with a narcissistic moron. Greatest weekend _ever._

"Well, you came with me. So it's really all your fault." James pointed out, sitting down on the couch and crossing his legs.

"Don't even fucking- James!" Kendall snapped, losing it for good. "Don't pull _that_ on me. I'm the one stranded in Fuck Nowhere, California- hell, I don't even know where the fuck I am- wearing some stranger's _mom's_ clothes, with _pudding_ up my ass and goat hair all over me and god knows what in my bloodstream, and I have no way of getting home, and _you_ can just _shut the fuck up_.

Mohawk guy slowly raised his head, beginning to speak in an utter monotone. "You know, every time you say profanity, a baby sea lion dies."

Kendall looked back at him incredulously. "What the- who _are_ you?"

"I don't know," he replied. "You are in my house, though. I don't know why."

The look of incredulity turned instantly to a hard glare. He pointed at James meaningfully before sighing, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his chin on his knees. This was so fucked up. So, so fucked up. Kendall swore the pudding was starting to congeal like all left-out pudding does, and it was the most incredibly gross thing to ever exist. Snacks he'd never eat ever again, number fifty-three.

"C-Can I say something?" James asked timidly, bracing himself for the rage to come.

"Probably not," the blonde huffed, pulling his long legs in closer.

That was as close as James would ever get to a yes, so he took his chances at getting his balls torn off in a fit of fury. "We could…take the bus…or get back the same way we got here." He spoke more and more quietly with each word, realising how stupid he was sounding and how much Kendall's impending attack was going to hurt.

Kendall took a deep breath, obviously trying not to commit homicide. Things were already bad enough without, like, three life sentences. "James," he began through gritted teeth, "the way we got here…is the same way we got FUCKED INTO HELL AND BACK AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY MONEY FOR THE BUS AND EVEN IF _YOU _DID I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHERE WE ARE AND THE BUS LINES ARE IN FUCKING MARTIAN OR SOME SHIT SO I'M TELLING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME, STOP FUCKING TALKING SO I CAN FUCKING CONCENTRATE ON A WAY TO GET OUR SORRY ASSES OUT OF HERE AND BACK HOME! THEN I WON'T HAVE TO RIP YOUR FUCKING DICK OFF AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!"

James briefly thought about how many sea lions were dying before shrinking back into the couch and considering his own death. Kendall wasn't going for the bus, and he _definitely_ wasn't going for the hitchhiking approach. If he didn't want to be sensible and get home, then fine, he could throw a bitch fit. It wasn't going to get either of them anywhere, and at this point he felt legitimately sorry for Max. He even felt sorry for Belle, who spoke no English and didn't give a crap what Kendall was saying.

She nosed at James' pant cuff, looking up at him dolefully and letting him pull gently at one of her ears. Usually, he would have greeted her with something endearing, but right now? If he said anything, Kendall would…he didn't want to think about what Kendall would do. When the guy was mad, the guy was a fucking _tornado._Tornadoes were not to be messed with.

Kendall puffed his cheeks out, glaring at Belle, who was completely innocent despite being the cause of one of his main problems. That main problem would be fuchsia shirt with a sparkly sequined empire waist that _tied in the back_ and the hideous elastic jeans that went up to his motherfucking _belly button_. No dude would be a happy camper where he was, but for Christ's sake, try and _forgive a goat_.

Maybe don't forgive James for feeding your clothes to said goat, but forgive the animal. Come on.

"S-sorry," James finally amended, swallowing his pride and letting Kendall win this one. It was for the benefit of humanity. Kendall looked up at him, processing James' apology and glaring at him all like 'you're still in huge trouble'.

"Sorry doesn't really cut it, man," he said, using his inside voice now that he'd had a minute or so to get a grip on himself.

James sighed, glancing over his shoulder to talk to Max. "I said sorry," he told him. "What else am I supposed to say?"

Mohawk guy drummed his fingers on the glass table. "You could say, I will sacrifice this goat and give you all my toenails in return."

James gave him an odd look, pulling Belle closer to him and slinging an arm around her neck. She sniffed at him curiously, her ear twitching as she sat down with her forelegs under her chest. The taller boy sighed in exhaustion, picking at a spot of dried pudding on his leg and thinking about how much had gone _utterly_ wrong since the previous evening.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Arright, so if it still doesn't make sense, this is the night before chapter one. Enjoy, and thanks everyone who put this on their story alert and reviewed already. It might be a couple days before chapter three is up, I'm just posting this cause I don't want the intro to just be up there all alone ;_;**

**So, this was originally supposed to be chapter two but I wanted to get some action established, and original chapter two is like super short and two Word pages long, so….**

**here you go. **

2

"Dude," Kendall whispered, leaning too far over towards James and losing his footing slightly. "This is going to be…"

He let his mouth hang open limply, train of thought barrelling off the tracks and speeding right to hell.

James lost himself in another round of uncontrollable laughter, stumbling over himself and stopping to cover his face with his hands and giggle. Everything Kendall did, was, in that moment, inexplicably funny. James let out a shaky breath, staring down at his shoes and thinking about what to do next as Kendall finished his sentence. Walk, he was supposed to walk.

"…magnificent," Kendall said, pausing to stare intently at a spot of oil in one of the metered parking spots. His entire brain was captured effortlessly by the colourful sheen of the liquid, the way it looked just like water from one angle and then rainbows when he took another step.

If only, like, everything was like that, he thought, chuckling to himself and moving on.

"Hello," a voice came, a voice that Kendall knew did not belong to James and _probably_ didn't belong to himself. He stared ahead, using all his mind power to process the fact that there was a white-haired old lady standing in front of him.

"Hello, ma'am," he replied with the straightest face he could muster, extending a hand and staring blankly when she didn't take it. He grinned widely, fighting back a laugh and blinking slowly.

"Did you need any…help?" James wondered aloud to her, finally understanding the concept that she greeted some random strangers walking down the street in…somewhere. Unless they, like, _knew_ her. That was totally possible. James squinted at the woman. Somebody's mom, maybe? _Kendall's_ mom? No, he lived with Kendall's mom. She wasn't old. Get a grip, James.

"Can you boys lend a helping hand, please? I'll be so grateful," she said hopefully. She sounded like a nice old lady. Kendall smiled, nodding.

"I just, I can't see very well in this dark; could you boys please help me find the steps?" She laughed heartily at herself. "Apparently I've already had too much to drink, I just need to find my husband."

Kendall nodded, placing a hand on the woman's shoulder, leading her over to a couple steps that went up to the patio of some pub-looking place. "Up here?" He bent down to see things from her level and pointed up to the restaurant.

"Yes," she replied graciously, Kendall, James, and the old lady watching her feet carefully as Kendall guided her up the steps. She nearly tripped at the top, laughing it off yet again and straightening out her light green blouse. A bald man with those weird old spots on his scalp waved from one of the metal tables, Kendall taking the initiative to head over towards him with the lady by his side and James in tow.

"We found your wife," James said to the bald old dude, Kendall giving him a tired thumbs-up and a grin. The man laughed, voice slightly hoarse and withered but still full of energy.

"Well, you're two very fine young men," he praised. "Thank you very much."

Kendall nodded, working as hard as he could to form a sentence. "We're glad to help." He glanced over at James, who was making eyes at the plate of food in front of the old man, dragging him away from the table.

"Dude," he whispered loudly.

"Yeah?"

James pointed into the restaurant. "I…"

Kendall felt his mouth smile again, mind feeling slightly detached from body, like it was somehow following behind him. "You…"

"Am so hungry, dude. I would, like, do _anything_ for food."

Kendall stared back at him, eyes bright with enthusiasm, expression blank and uncomprehending. "Oh man, me too."

"Do we have money?" James asked him worriedly, eyes flicking around to all the people seated in the patio. That was a clue, definitely. It wasn't too late. There were a lot of people having dinner…a lot of old people, too. This was strange.

Kendall nodded quickly, grabbing James' wrist and leading him over to the warm glow of the building. It looked so inviting, and it smelled so, so _good_. It smelled like grease and spices and food and goodness. The blonde felt his mouth watering, almost tripping over the air in his hurry to get James and himself inside and seated.

"Oh god," Kendall mumbled, the smell getting stronger and stronger still when they stumbled in through the open door. "Yes."

A waitress walked up instantly, Kendall telling her that there were only two of them and following eagerly when she led them to a small booth. James slid in, sitting up straight with his hands on the table and grinning madly as Kendall followed suit.

"Can I get you any drinks to start off?" the waitress asked them, a pleasant smile following her words. Man, everyone was so nice. It was a good, good night for two morons on their quest for food.

"I'll just get…a water, please," James said slowly, thoughtfully, watching her slide two menus onto the table. He gripped one tightly, pulling it towards him and staring at Kendall.

"Me too," Kendall told her, turning back to James when she gave them another smile and left the table.

"What are you getting," James demanded, opening his menu violently and pulling his head back slightly to stare at it. There were so many _choices._ What the hell kind of restaurant _was_ this, expecting him not only to read, but to _think_ and make a decision? The letters danced on the laminated pages, too slow and too fast for James to figure out their meanings.

"Look," Kendall said, pointing to a coaster on the table that advertised unlimited fries with any meal that came with them. "Unlimited, dude. _Unlimited food_."

James' eyes slowly widened, the words starting to sink in. Dear God, he could eat forever if he wanted to. There was no stopping him! This journey would only come to its end when he had eaten forever! Which was forever, so never!

"I…I…" he stammered, unable to comprehend the idea of something so fantastic as unlimited fries. He looked up at the waitress when she came back to their table with a plate of food and two glasses of water, eyes following her every move as she set the waters down and…and walked to another table. James whimpered at the food leaving, giving it a last desperate look before turning to his menu reluctantly.

"What…comes with fries, Kendall, you gotta tell me."

Wait, wait, how was he to know this? Kendall looked at his menu, thinking deeply, eyes searching for the keyword. Fries, fries, where were the fries?

"Uh, I'll tell you, but under only, only under one condition, okay?"

There, that would thwart James for a moment. He would never know of Kendall's ignorance as to the location of the fries. Now he just had to think one more time, and think of a condition.

"Okay. I agree. What."

This was good for everyone. What did he want, besides food? He was kind of tired, sleep was good, but that wasn't really taking advantage of James. There were only so many times he had this kid sitting there wide-eyed and obedient and willing to do whatever he said. Those times, however, were the peak of awesomeness.

"Well, you're paying for gas the rest of however long where we are not at home, dig?"

Kendall watched James' eyebrows furrow in confusion before his face relaxed, lower lip jutting out in what he _swore _was a pout. He contemplated it. The immediate answer was sure, okay, yeah, of course. With the amount of money he'd be saving on all this endless food Kendall spoke of, paying for gas was no biggie. Except it was.

"Shit, okay, fine. But…I'm topping tonight."

"What makes you think that…we're…" Kendall sighed. "Fine, but only cause…fine."

James smirked. "Only cause what?"

"Cause, obviously, I love being fucked up the ass," the blonde replied seriously, taking a sip of his water and leaning back into the booth, expression still not faltering as he watched James choke on nothing. Where did they start off, fries? Fries, something to do with fries.

"So, where is this unlimited meal," James pressed, tapping his fingers on the faux-wood of the table and watching Kendal suspiciously. He wasn't using all his money on gas for nothing. And the _waitress_ was coming over. To take their orders. It would be all for naught if she came over and they weren't ready and then she left and then they figured it out and then she took forever to come back and then James died from starvation and food deficiency which was really the same thing except more intense and not really at all and they were getting _nowhere_ with James staring into space and Kendall "reading" his menu.

"Fish and chips!" he exclaimed, dropping the menu in his excitement.

"Yes!" James punched the air, looking upwards into the lamp at blinding victory. He made a face, turning back down and rubbing at his eyes. That light was not intended to be looked directly into.

"Hey, what the fuck, I could have figured that out on my own and split the gas like ever for always and that's okay though, cause now as soon as I finish endless eating these unlimited fries then I'll be sticking my endless _cock_ in your sorry-"

He looked up when Kendall cleared his throat pointedly, the waitress standing over their table and blushing furiously as she pulled out a pad of paper.

"I'm so, so sorry," James managed to say, getting a quick 'that's okay' in response and an inquiry as to what they wanted to order.

"I think we're both going to have the fish and chips," Kendall said, James staring in awe at how he made sentences like that. He glanced at James to make sure he hadn't changed his mind, the brunette nodding at the waitress and sliding his menu towards her. She picked it up along with Kendall's and left.

Talk about fucking awkward.

"Dude," Kendall laughed the moment she was out of earshot. "That was fucking priceless."

"Fries, unlimited fries," James replied, Kendall's comment just kind of washing over him and leaving him with, still, nothing in his head but the thought of food. He looked around the room at all the other people with their meals, stomach flipping over and growling menacingly.

"Om, nom, nom," Kendall agreed, following his gaze to the delicious golden entrees, the glisteningly fresh salads, the soups that looked thick and flavourful and hearty. "Oh, man," he groaned, mind desperately trying to deny the harsh fact of waiting for their meals to be cooked. He couldn't wait any longer. He would die just like James.

And James wouldn't pay for gas _or_, as he had so eloquently pointed out to their waitress, get to be the man later.

Who's idiot idea was it to forgo fast food and end up here anyway? Certainly not his or anything.

And then…the world stood still. The waitress glanced around the dining area, seeming to be the centre of the whole entire universe with everything rotating around her, Kendall and James unable to do much else but gawk stupidly at her. The timing was impeccable. The fish must have been already in the deep fryer, and some amazing luck must have been shining down on them the whole trip because, really.

James felt his heart explode or something when his plate was slid in front of him.

"The fries are unlimited, boys," the waitress informed them, _as if_ James needed to be any more aware of that glorious detail. "Just let me or another waiter know if you need more."

James felt like he was at the edge of tears. "You're my hero," he thanked the waitress, staring at her, watching her leave, before he picked up one solitary French fry. His eyes locked with Kendall's. He held the piece of potato between two fingers. He watched as it stood there bravely, fighting gravity with its crispy outside. It couldn't fall limp and disappoint James. He could feel the grease on his fingertips. He could feel his mouth watering like never before.

He raised his hand, opening his mouth, everything in slow motion. Brilliant lights seemed to be flashing in the corners of his vision. James smiled at the fry. The fry smiled back. He pushed it into his waiting mouth. _Success_.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Alright, guys, to start off, sorry this chapter is lame, for some reason I wasn't really getting as into it as the rest of the chapters, so, it, well, suffered as a result. But, on another note, I rearranged the entire story. THEREFORE, everything I said in the author's note for chapter one is a total lie and should be disregarded (except the porn in chapter five don't worry guys), and, uh, there's gonna be twelve chapters, I've completed nine, so I've yet to write 8 and 12 and 10 is still incomplete.

But. I'm working on those. So I can post a new chapter like every two or three days like I promised. Um, and, sorry this chapter is a little more...like...emotional, for two paragraphs? Like, serious? But that's for a second at the end so w/e it's important to the plot and the rest of the story is nonsense, I assure you.

3.

"Are you sure you boys don't want to find another ride to the beach? I'm getting on the freeway in a second here, so last chance."

Kendall smiled. "No, that's okay," he replied. "We honestly just wanted to get out of the house, there's adventures to be found anywhere."

"Thank you, again," James added. "Most people don't really approve of hitchhiking, but, like Kendall here said, there are more, like, adventures hitchhiking, not that we had a ride anyway. It's more interesting."

"I get you," Ann said, turning carefully onto the freeway and smiling slightly. She was really, really nice.

They drove in relative silence for a while, no, a long ass time, because what conversation is there to be made, quite honestly, with a random stranger who picked you up hitchhiking? James looked up into the front seat at Kendall, who was texting away on his phone.

"Hey Kendall," James said, the blonde ignoring him. Choosing to keep quiet, he took his own cell phone out, going to his photos and scrolling down to find his favourite naked picture of Logan and send it to Kendall. He set his phone down next to him, acting totally casual as casual can be and looking up at the roof of the car.

3, 2, 1…

"James!"

Kendall turned around to look back at him, James shrugging innocently and giving him a confused look. Kendall's expression hardened, and he reached around to his other side, picking up his phone to show it to James accusingly.

"I didn't do that," James lied obviously, putting his phone in his pocket as soon as Kendall looked at it like he was about to take it and find the incriminating picture message in his sentbox.

"Then I guess you won't mind giving me your phone," Kendall said mischievously, raising a challenging eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, there's no use arguing about this, you know and I know that I only sent it to you because I knew you'd, ah, enjoy it."

Kendall looked slightly put out, grinning anyway and rolling his eyes. "Logan? Really? How do you even have that on your phone? Please don't tell me you took it. No, please don't tell me you had anything to do with it at all, especially not the process in which that photo happened."

Kendall narrowed his eyes at the brunette, waiting for an answer. "Why, would that make you _jealous_?"

"No, I just don't want my opinion of Logan to be degraded so horribly as that."

James scoffed. "Well, I'll have you know that Logan sent it to me. Along with _these_." Here James slid his phone out of his giant pocket, which must have been full of either something illegal or a bunch of headshots, because James wore gay little tight pants unless he really needed the heavy duty pocket room that was among the many advantages of cargo pants.

Smirking, he went back to his photos, going down to where the majority of obscene Logan shots lay and handing it to Kendall. Kendall flipped through the pictures, mouth wide open and face contorted in a look of total incredulity.

"No _way_," Kendall told him, still scrolling through James' photos. "Wow. That's amazing, dude. Not only for the obvious reason, but now, any time I want him to do anything, I have instant blackmail at my fingertips."

"Blackmail? Your sister's rubbing off on you, I can tell."

"Well, like, you know," Kendall explained, not really explaining much of anything at all. "Logan. Homework, and stuff."

"Ah."

Kendall turned back to the front of the car, glancing over at Ann, who smiled apprehensively. He went back to his phone and James went back to his nothing, the three spending the majority of the car ride without speaking. At last, they exited the freeway, driving through a relatively small, relatively quiet, suburban town.

"There's a park above the middle school near my house, you boys want me to drop you off there?" Ann asked.

"Yeah, sure," James answered, Kendall still absorbed in his phone. And so she pulled over next to a long but short (in height) chain link fence, letting the two out of her car. They thanked her effusively, waving goodbye and going around the edge of the fence. There was an asphalt path going down to a grass area with a quarter mile track in the middle, more grass and some benches to the left and a small hill covered in ivy and other plants leading up to another fence dividing the park from the houses next to it.

"Cool, so what do you wanna do now," Kendall asked James, glancing up at the sun, low in the sky and losing some of its brightness.

"I dunno, how about we check out the school a little bit and then maybe walk around town and get some grub?"

"Sounds like a plan," Kendall agreed as they reached the bottom of the slope and started to make their way across the track towards the actual campus. "Yeah, so, I didn't want to say anything in the car, but what the hell, naked pictures of Logan?"

James laughed. "You really wanna know?"

"Uh, yes. This is too good to be true. Of course I want to _know _about it."

"Well, to be completely honest, Logan and I screwed once and now he wants to get a sort of friends with benefits thing going, except I really really like someone else right now and I was gonna see if that works or anything before defaulting on Lo_gay_n. Yeah, so in an effort to convince me, he's sending me all kinds of dirty pics, and I'm pretty happy with that, if I do say so myself."

Below the park were some baseball fields, which they also walked across, the school right below those. A couple more of the asphalt slopes later, they were in front of the locker rooms. The basketball courts were one way and all the classrooms were the other way. Wordlessly, they both decided to go the classroom way, going down a hall and turning up at a weird kind of ramp thing that went one way, then made a sharp turn, then went another way, and another way until it reached the main bank of classrooms.

The fantastic thing about that way, however, was that if you went up onto the short wall after the first turn, you could step right up onto the aluminum roof of the building.

"Dude," James said excitedly. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Please tell me you are. Because this looks…._awesome_."

"I'm thinking what you're thinking," the blonde replied, a wild grin spreading across his face as he looked up at the roof. "Now _this_ is exploring the school."

James went first, climbing up onto the tan brick wall and then up onto the corrugated surface of the roof. He stood up, looking around smirking and then turning back to Kendall. Kendall rolled his eyes pointedly, doing the same as James did and climbing onto the school's roof with ease. He stood next to James, stretching and looking around at the expanse of flat roof around him.

"Cool," he commented, starting towards the front of the school and watching his feet carefully so he would get his foot wedged in the aluminum and break his ankle. "Dude, I still can't believe Logan…wow."

"Ohhh, yes," James chuckled, turning right when the roof didn't go forward any more and coming to the end of the aluminum area; the roof of the actual classrooms and not just the halls was higher up, shingled on the sides, and white on the top.

"If you don't mind me asking, uh, how was he?" Kendall blushed faintly, surprising himself just a little bit with how he was thinking about Logan. He, quite honestly, hadn't really thought about him as more than a friend, and now, now? Admittedly, he was interested.

"Well, loud, for one. And pretty damn amazing. The kid's, like, a cocksucking machine given to us mortals from the gods, who knew?"

"Certainly not me," Kendall replied, putting his hands up onto the main roof, grimacing at the roughness of the surface, and pulling himself up. First he got his chest up, then his knees, breathing a little heavier once he finally got to his feet. James followed.

"Whoa, dude! It's like, a winter wonderland!" James said, stupidly, sounding like the stoner that he was. The roof had a surface that resembled large quantities of white sand glued down to the ground, the little crystals abrasive when touched but_ sort_ of looking like snow anyway.

"You've been in California way too long," Kendall told him, laughing. The roof, in addition to the 'snow', was covered in a maze of two-foot-tall air conditioning pipes, which the two walked between and around, just kind of exploring. James walked up to the very front of the roof, furthest from where they'd been dropped off, motioning for Kendall to join him.

"This is actually decently cool," the blonde said, looking out across the city. There were houses to the right and to the left, a planned community type thing stretching out in front of them, and, almost hidden by smog, Los Angeles silhouetted against the orange sun. James felt the first hint of a breeze rustling at his hair, reaching a hand up to smooth it down and looking at Kendall out of the corner of his eye.

He was impressed that Kendall hadn't (seemingly) even given a second thought to himself saying that he was into someone else that wasn't Logan. But maybe that was good, James was a pussy when it came to telling people or asking people things that he wasn't sure how they'd react to. This was a prime example, and although it wasn't that important, and it wasn't a big deal, and he _didn't care_, he was aching aching aching for Kendall and he was about at the point of admitting it to himself, at least.

He looked at his friend and sighed, half in resignation and half revelling in the fresh, cooling air, up high above everyone else, looking out over the strange land he'd only just been introduced to a year prior.

Which reminded him. High. Despite being, well, nice, James was a man with a plan and that plan was to have _the_ singular most awesomest night that anyone had ever had ever and it would even be awesomer than himself, you know, if that was possible. Which it definitely wasn't.

"Hey Kendall, we haven't really been living up to our names lately," he said to the other, a smile forming on his face and evil brewing in his mind.

"Uh, James and Kendall? What's to live up to?"

"No, remember? Darth Lord Pothead and his apprentice the young stonee?"

Kendall sighed, laughing quietly. "Uh, no, we haven't, cause, um, we've been trying to sing, like hardcore, which you can't do when you're all like, whoa dude have you ever really looked at you hand?"

"Well, we're not now. So c'mon, this is the perfect place to marinate in our cloud of smoke and not be noticed."

"I feel like saying I'm not up for getting high…but…I know I'm gonna enjoy myself…"

"…and you know you want to…" James added, grinning at Kendall and egging him on.

"…so where is it and, more importantly, what are we waiting for?"

"That's my apprentice," James praised, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a brown lunch bag. And it wasn't even all smashed or anything, like, it looked like it could pass for a decently acceptable lunch, with tupperware and everything.

"Watch, next you're gonna pull a refrigerator out of your pants."

James smirked, opening up the paper bag and looking inside at its contents. "There's something in there about the same size as one," he said airily, choosing not to look at Kendall and judging his reaction by the scoff and horrified silence that followed.

Kendall came up next to him, shaking his head at James comment, so that he could also see inside the bag. James pulled two items out, one a bundle of something wrapped in newspaper and the other a small plastic bag containing, well, what else, really? He handed the baggie to Kendall for him to admire, sitting down on one of the air conditioning vents and carefully unwrapping the newspaper.

Kendall sighed, starting to catch on. "Don't tell me, is your child in there?"

James giggled. "Why yes, she is." He gave the newspaper a loving look, unfolding it the rest of the way and revealing his precious little handblown glass pipe that was his pride and joy and who knew, he probably gave it bubble baths and tucked it in at night and told it bedtime stories.

"Oh yeah, I know you have a bong or whatever at home, I neglected to tell you to bring it, sorry man, I guess we're sharing."

"Well, way to think ahead anyway, this pretty much ensures that whatever we do is gonna be awesome," Kendall decided. "Like, even if we just sit here and stare at shit it'll be awesome."

"It reflects my inner awesome," James told him seriously, taking the plastic bag from Kendall and stuffing some of the weed in the end of his child. "Just wait and watch, and smoke, and let the awesome begin."


	4. Chapter 4

"James," Kendall murmured, leaning into the other and slipping a too-warm arm around his waist. Maybe that would have been annoying, under normal circumstances. But if James was getting some ass that fine, then he would most _certainly_ not have the audacity to utter _one_ complaining word.

"Yeah," he answered distractedly, vainly looking up and down the street in search of Max's car.

"When's your friend showing up? I wanna get back, now." He drew out his words, and if Kendall fucking Knight was _whining_ then by God he _wanted_ something, and he wanted it bad. The world didn't upend for nothing; there was something that Kendall was going to have.

"Just be patient. What's the big deal anyway? It's a…a…nice night." It _was_ a nice night, and Kendall better not have been taking James' pause as hesitation instead of stupidity (which it definitely was).

"Yeah, well. I'm horny."

"Hmm," James responded passively, pretending that sentence didn't get to him as much as it did. Kendall tightened his arm slightly, drawing James in closer, head ducking under James' chin, hand making its way to the front of his pants.

"Hey," the taller of the two grumbled, batting Kendall's hand away from his crotch. "He'll gonna be here in a second, just wait till we get home a second. I totally wanna screw you but not in public."

If that wasn't fucked up grammar, he didn't know what was, but, then again, he very truly honestly didn't give a shit.

"But _James_."

"But _Kendall_," he mimicked, leaning down to grab the Stater Bros. bags from their places by his feet. He handed them to the blonde, though clumsily, Kendall taking them and staring curiously at the contents.

"What…"

"It's pudding, dumbshit, you know, the pudding, that you, that you bought at the store instead of buying aspirin like you told me you were gonna, and like you were bitching to me about your headache and you bought five bazillion and three megatons of fucking pudding instead and while we're waiting you might as well eat that." James paused to lick his lips and run a hand through his unsettlingly dishevelled hair, proud that he had managed to get out that many words at once. "Probably tastes better than my dick anyway."

Kendall sighed, removing himself from James and looking down into the plastic bag. "Probably doesn't."

"Oh my god!"

The two looked up, squinting down the street to see who was yelling in the distance. James realised he had his hand up sheltering his eyes from the sun at eleven the fuck o' clock p.m., giving a disgruntled sound and putting it back down.

"No, it has to be!" another voice came, louder than the first.

Kendall turned to his friend, eyes wide open in terror. "Is this what I think it is," he said, voice hollow and dripping with fear.

"Uh….what do you think it is?" James' face was contorted in concentration, teeth tugging at his lower lip he tried to get the pudding-thick juices of his brain flowing. It had to be obvious, the way Kendall wasn't answering him, instead staring down the street horrified and backing slowly into the corner of the bench.

"_Fans_," Kendall whispered, and the screaming began. Neither of them moved, more concerned with how they were supposed to react to their fans- with a thanks and an autograph (and they really did appreciate the fans)- than with the safety of their own lives. Kendall stared straight ahead as the slapping footsteps grew louder and louder, James sizing up how much damage the girls could do to him right then.

They stopped in front of James and Kendall, the one on the left with leering eyes and an even creepier expression and the one on the right with a smile full of rubber bands stretched across her face.

The rubber bands one spoke first, at a mile a minute sounding like she was about to start hyperventilating. "It's my dream to meet Big Time Rush," she breathed, fingers twitching at her side.

"Tha…hank you very much, it means a lot," James told her, extending a hand cautiously. The fan gripped it, nails digging into his skin as she shook his hand. She pulled back her fingers, staring at them with the fucking _scariest_ smile he'd ever seen. Maybe it was just the weed, but something seemed _off_ about these girls.

"How many bandanas did they use in the Bandana Man costume?" she asked excitedly, as if she had this rehearsed or something.

James scratched his head. Like _he_ remembered. If he did, he certainly didn't then. "Like, seventeen," he said, and Kendall somehow picked up on the bullshit in his confused tone.

"Divided by zero," Kendall added in a low voice, sounding a little like Logan when he was panicking.

The quieter girl laughed at his remark, pulling something translucent out of her jeans pocket. "Can you sign my rubber gloves?" she asked, holding them out at arm's length so the boys could reach.

"I don't know how sanitary that is or where those have been," Kendall laughed nervously, shying away from the latex.

"Oh, nowhere," she replied with a genuine smile, "I just got them."

Kendall grimaced, taking the gloves from her. They _felt_ new, and clean, which was relieving, but he'd be sure not to put his hands anywhere important before they were washed well. "You got a pen?"

Her borderline-rapist grin just seemed to get wider and wider, unfailingly, obviously trying to keep her cool and not freak the fuck out because she was meeting the loser boy band she stalked.

"I'm pretty sure," she muttered, digging into her pockets and trying to find a pen. She pulled out a toy car, inspecting it and shrugging before delving back into her pocket with a determined look. Kendall sighed, crossing his legs and glancing up at the other girl, who was eyeing him almost hungrily.

"I like your Vans," he told her, because he did. It looked like someone scribbled all over them with blue crayon, which was pretty awesome. Not to mention that the awesome was multiplied like a million times by the fact that they were Vans.

"Really?" she squeaked. "Me too. Lookit the aglet, too!"

"What's….that?" he asked her, staring up and rubbing at the back of his neck. The other girl sighed and pulled a pack of baby carrots out of her pocket.

"An aglet? It's the plastic part at the end of the shoelace."

"Oh," Kendall murmured absently, leaning closer to her foot (which was probably a bad idea) and inspecting this 'aglet'. It looked like a crayon, which made him smile, and he sat up straight, looking at both of them. "That's cool," he told the fan, giving her a thumbs up.

"Aha!" The other one exclaimed, holding up a permanent marker. She handed it to Kendall, who still had the rubber gloves. He put one of the gloves down on his knee, signing it before passing both of them to James. James gave the sky a quick 'help me' look, scribbling his signature on the other glove before giving them back to the girl.

She was bouncing on the balls of her feet, glancing around her and still grinning.

"Did you want an autograph too?" James asked the creepy rubber band girl, and she nodded enthusiastically.

"C-can you sign my _shoes_?"

Kendall and James nodded in unison and she put one foot up on the bench between them and watching as they both signed the canvas shoe. Kendall handed her the pen, which she gave a look and handed to her friend.

James head snapped to the side, arm shooting out in front of him to point down the street at a slowing car. A slowing car with a_ mohawk_ inside.

"Ah, man!" James yelled in excitement. "Sorry girls! That's our ride! Thanks so much for supporting the band!" He shot them an infallible smile, grabbing Kendall's arm and dragging him towards the car as fast as he could. Those fans were fucking _creepy _and he wanted out of there.

"Bye!" Kendall waved. "Hope to see you another time!"

It was then that he felt arms curling around his calf, the braces girl leeching onto him with an iron grip and refusing to let go. She smiled up at him, growling a reply. "I'll see you _now_."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I know, I know, it's creepy and gross and not everything you hoped it would be and more. Hopefully the seven pages of food-less sex in chapter eight will make up for it. Oh yeah, and sorry this chapter is so short, I….don't know what happened there, but, uh, sorry. This was originally meant as an introduction to the scene, and there'll be parts of it in other chapters, like, in chapter nine I think everything that led up to it and everything.**

**SO AGAIN I APOLOGISE FOR MY MIDGET CHAPTER. :3**

**And. Like, a million people story alerted this and faved it and stuff, which makes me super duper happy, but if you have time, IF, I totally understand if you're busy or something, please please please give me feedback on this. Negative, positive, anything, criticism is more helpful but whatever you wanna say, feel free to say it. It really really helps me write and improves the story, yada ya. **

**Oh, and while I'm going on forever, while I'm on a rampage, there is this ONE thing that almost EVERYONE does in this fandom that really is not even close (no offence if you do this lol) and that is writing stuff like during kissing scenes where they have to 'break apart for air' or whatever or 'they kissed till they couldn't breathe' and I'm just like NO THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS UNLESS YOU HAVE A COLD BECAUSE THERE'S THESE THINGS CALLED NASAL PASSAGES AND THEY ACTUALLY LEAD TO YOUR LUNGS AND UNLESS YOU'RE MAKING OUT WITH SOMEONE'S NOSTRILS THEN YOU CAN BREATHE AND THOSE SENTENCES MAKE THE WHOLE STORY UNREALISTIC AND I'M SORRY IF I'M BEING AN ASSHOLE OR ANYTHING BUT I FELT LIKE SAYING SOMETHING and I'm gonna stop typing in all caps now because it implies anger and….I'm not angry? **

**Shit, okay, I'll stop, this is probably longer than the story itself. **

5

Kendall giggled, fingers kneading subconsciously at the carpet. "Dude, you're so nasty."

"I know," James muttered as he slid his hips up against the other, slipping around in the pudding and gripping at Kendall's waist with slickened hands. The blonde managed another gasping laugh, sticking his ass out further and trying for just that much more contact with James.

"It's s- cold," Kendall complained, reaching back and grasping loosely at James' dick, getting a handful of pudding and hot skin. He brought back his hand, wiping it on his bare thigh before grabbing the plastic pudding cup off the floor. James leaned forward over him just as soon, snatching the container away.

Kendall stared at him, a little blank, a little offended. "I-I was using that," he protested weakly, sighing in defeat and reaching down to jack himself off slowly. God, there was never a time where he needed that more. He groaned at James' warmth radiating against him and at his legs against his own, gasping and staring down at the carpet and trying (albeit not too hard) not to come.

It was just way _way_ too much in his current stupor. Probably because he didn't have a brain to distract him from the feeling.

"Dude," he said slowly, finding the words to articulate his thought. "Hurry up. I don't fucking have all day." He looked back over his shoulder at James, letting out a contented breath when James moved forward to press his mouth to Kendall's. Kendall felt a slick hand moving down his lower back, rubbing firmly at his entrance and coaxing a pleading groan out of him. It was really about time for James to stop teasing him and get to the point. He wanted something way more intimate, way more raw, way deeper.

Kendall tightened his hold around his dick, biting at his lower lip and watching James. The latter grinned pointedly, sticking the half-empty pudding cup on the end of his own cock. Kendall could only stare in amazement, James obviously pressing forward into the container before pulling it off. He shifted forward so that his hips were flush against the blonde boy's ass, steadying himself with a hand on Kendall's back and exhaling shakily. Screwing Kendall would never get old. It seemed like every time was better, and it was just pure awesome when they were both at the point where James was wondering why there was such a high blood level in his hallucinogen stream.

The majority of Kendall's dead brain was getting impatient. There_ was_, however, a smaller part, silently screaming that, fuck, this was the most disgusting thing he had ever done in his entire _life_, whether or not that was true. But he paid no mind, licking his lips and tasting creamy chocolate before James pushed himself in.

Kendall gasped out, trying to regain the breath stolen from him so violently.

"Fucking hell, James!" Kendall yelled, gripping onto the carpet and pushing back onto James, hoping for even greater satisfaction. Although it was enough right then just having James _there_, ramming into him erratically, sticky hips hitting hard against Kendall, dick going deep and painful.

Kendall felt James grab his hips, sinking in slowly this time and making him whimper. He tilted his head back, feeling his arms wobble and threaten to stop supporting him. James kissed the back of his neck gently, pushing Kendall forward and pulling out of him, making the blonde whine loudly.

James gave up his kneeling position to lie on his back, Kendall looking at him with sheer desperation as he turned around and crawled over the other. James reached a hand up, gripping the hair on the back of Kendall's head and capturing him in a crushing, sloppy kiss. Kendall set his hands on James' shoulders, leaning down to press his tongue forward and grind against James.

He groaned softly before pulling himself up into a sitting pose. Listing a hand through his hair, Kendall licked his reddened lips, getting up onto one knee and watching James' face as he slid himself down onto his chocolate-covered cock. James sighed lightly, bucking up into Kendall's warmth and letting his eyes lock with the other's. Kendall looked so fucking amazing right there and then, even though James' vision felt like it was delaying and echoing. His teeth were clamped down onto his lip, his dark eyebrows were tilted upwards, his eyelids were low and only showing a sliver of darkened irises.

He pulled his other leg underneath him, sliding his hands up to James' shoulders and gripping tightly as he lifted his hips up repeatedly and dropped them back down. James pillowed one arm underneath his head, the other reaching forward to wrap around Kendall's dick, pulling slowly and distracting Kendall. He abandoned his efforts to move up and down, sitting with James deep inside him and grinding down urgently.

James felt him tighten his legs around his sides, pushing himself down with a shaky, rough motion and letting James finish him off. He shook violently, opening his eyes slightly to watch himself come on James' chest, hips jerking forward into James' hand, the brunette's fingers slick with a mixture of Kendall's seed and pudding.

James' eyelids fluttered open as he kneeled again, and he pushed Kendall down onto his back, lifting him up hastily and shoving himself in as hard as he possibly could. Kendall's back arched up off the carpet slightly, contracting around James with the lasting shock of his orgasm and silently persuading the other to come hard inside him.

"Fu- fuck," James sighed, feeling his toes curl behind him as his pace slowed down and tapered off. He took Kendall by the hips and moved him forward so he could remove his dick gently. Kendall was breathing frantically, one hand on his stomach as he felt his body slowing down to its normal rate. He sat up, reaching up to press his mouth to James'.

"God," he said quietly, picking up a discarded pudding cup off the floor and staring into the translucent plastic.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Arright. So. Honestly, I forgot about updating, sorry it's been a little longer than usual. And then I was all like oh hey I should post another chapter and then I opened up chapter six and it was THIS and I was like aw man not this because this is pretty much like the first chapter and doesn't even count.

I apologise for the not-counting-ness of this chapter. Sincerely.

6

"I don't even know what's happening," Kendall groaned, Mohawk guy clearing his throat across the room. Kendall and James both looked up at him, expecting him to have something to say.

He pointed to his throat. "Phlegm," he said matter-of-factly, crossing his legs under the table and resting his chin on his palm. Why hadn't Logan called back? Why didn't he pick up his phone in the first place?

Maybe James was right in saying they should look into public transportation or…well, the other option. Maybe they could scam a ride off someone else, some kindly friend of Mohawk guy. Maybe they could…get back to the fucking Palm Woods so Kendall could shower and force James to assist in the archaeological dig for the mere purpose of getting that _pudding _out. If only Kendall hadn't had the genius idea to blow the remainder of their money on the dessert itself, things would be considerably more comfortable.

Kendall, however, didn't see it as his fault. Somehow. He managed to pin it on James, pulling the whole 'well what would you have done' and proving that yes, if _James_ had been at the Stater Bros with_ him_ begging for some aspirin, and turned and saw the fucking holy grail of pre-packaged desserts, then- regardless of what James would or wouldn't have bought, any _normal_ human being like Kendall, or Carlos, would have been drooling and barely conscious with want. He definitely managed to blame the taller boy for drowning his dick in pudding and fucking him, but that was completely beside the point.

Wait. Carlos.

Carlos, whose made a _lifestyle_ out of doing stupid shit and landing himself in the same sort of predicaments.

"James," Kendall said, loud and mumbling, the words seeming to kind of drip out of his mouth like vomit and make a mess on his mom shirt. He checked quickly to make sure it wasn't vomit before turning back to James. "You texted Carlos, right?"

James gave Kendall a wary look. Was it safe to talk now? He_ had_ asked him a question, but….

"Yes," he said plainly, scratching behind Belle's ear and thinking, well, shit, how could an answer so simple as '_yes_' start anything?

"And?" Kendall pressed, picking at the seam on the inside of his calf and giving the pants a disgusted look.

"And he said he went sledding with his friend up in the wilderness because apparently there's a mountain close where they have snow in the winter even though it's Southern California." He winced, although admittedly relieved to get all the words out so fast and have that thought over with.

"Wildebeests," Mohawk guy interjected, only to be largely ignored by the other two.

"Excuse me," Kendall stated blandly, intended as a question.

"I _said_ it's getting late and apparently there's a Mexican restaurant close where they have tacos in the winter because it's Southern California? And if I wasn't so hung over I'd totally want a taco?"

"Sledding?" Kendall asked incredulously, looking up at the ceiling and sighing irately. "He went sledding. Goddamnit. Did you ask if he can _stop_ sledding and save us from this shithole town?"

"It's called Glendora," Max put in again, James glancing over at him with his lips parted stupidly.

"It's pretty Glenboring," he replied sourly, sick of Kendall bothering him and forcing him to impinge on Carlos' fun for their selfish needs.

"Not with Glendorable people like you hanging around here," Mohawk guy told him, smirking slightly and leaning forward over the table a little. James batted his eyelashes jokingly, returning the smirk.

Kendall glared at the both of them. "Stop making glen-whatever jokes and fagging out over each other. It's not helping. And he's mine."

James let out a short breath, rolling his eyes and exchanging knowing looks with Max. It bothered him, but it didn't really. Even if Kendall was going to be a total dick, he was still _not_ going to be a total dick, and it was better to deal with him and ignore it than retaliate and get him all hot and bothered.

"Well then," James mouthed to himself, pulling his phone out of his pocket and grudgingly sending a text message to Carlos asking if he was done having fun in the snow yet.

"When we get home," Kendall began, "your ass is mine. In every fucking sense of the phrase. I will do _unspeakable_ things to do. Just saying. You're not getting away with that whole thing last night."

James felt himself shudder slightly, flipping his cell phone shut and placing it on the rug next to him.

"That's hot," Max commented in his usual monotone.

"Hell yeah it is," James laughed. "I can't wait for his normal self, his bipolar angsty self, his bipolar woman self, and his bipolar asshole self to all team up and gangbang me." He chuckled again, unable to help being amused with his own musings. "I guess that's more, like, quadpolar or some shit, though."

He picked up his cell again when it vibrated. "I have no clue what I'm saying," he muttered, opening the phone and reading the text from Carlos.

'_Were coming home or idk actualy were were going lol_' it read, absolutely no help and a typical response for the kid. James sighed, turning the screen towards Kendall and letting him read the message.

"The fuck- just call him."

James laughed again, for, well fuck, no reason this time, dialing Carlos' number because he'd never bothered to figure out the speed dial like the others. Electronics didn't need to make sense. He had bigger fish to fry, like getting high and stuck in some nowhere town.

Carlos picked up the phone, saying hello and sounding like he was at a party in an aluminum tunnel.

"Hey, man, where are you?" James said into the mouthpiece, covering his other ear in a vain attempt to hear Carlos' scratchy staticky voice on the other end.

"On the road, dude, where are _you_?"

James paused for a moment, teeth tugging at his lower lip. "Stuck, with Kendall, in some place called…" He trailed off, looking up at Mohawk guy expectantly.

"Glendora," Max said quietly.

"Glendora."

"Oh hey!" Carlos exclaimed, making James melt into a pool of relief at the recognition in his friend's voice. "Glendora! That's not too far from Hollywood!"

"Seriously, man?" James was captivated, enthralled. Part of it was because he wanted to get Kendall back to his sanity, and most of it was because he wasn't quite all the way there.

"Yeah, dude, it's just, like, in, like…" James heard the other break into a fit of maniacal laughter, yelling something indiscernible at somebody else.

"Carlos?" he asked into the phone, hearing an obnoxiously repetitive sound like someone was tapping the phone on something. "Dude, Carlos!"

Nothing. Well, something, but nothing that could actually be classified as intelligent human contact. Not that James and Carlos' conversations were anything more than 'dude' and 'man' with some other words that meant stuff thrown in there. Now, however, it was unidentifiable banging on one side and yelling in the aluminum tunnel. James asked for Carlos desperately, still clinging to the fact that Glendora was 'not too far from Hollywood'.

Kendall looked bored, fingering the sequins on his shirt and tapping his foot on the rug impatiently. "Having problems?" he asked James, staring up at the ceiling and waiting for the other to close the phone and squeeze his eyes closed.

"Apparently wherever we are isn't too far from the Palm Woods," he says, James told the blonde, putting the phone call into his own words. "I have no idea how far not too far is, but that's what Carlos said before he for mysteriously disappearing and with a bunch of clanging noises."

"You know, most people's minds filter their thoughts into, like, coherent sentences, but your filter thing is, like, broken."

James shot him a 'stfu' look, proud of himself for attempting to get them off Max's rug and out of his house. He tried to satisfy Kendall, and was glad he could at least say that much. Trying maybe wasn't quite doing, but at least it was something. At least it had nothing to do with goats or pudding and was a constructive use of time.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Oh no! A wild midget chapter appears!**

**No seriously. Again. What is up with all these tiny chapters. Tell me. What.**

**This story is so inconsistent. Like. Next chapter is 14 pages on here…and this one is 2. TWO MEASLY WORD PAGES.**

**I FEEL LIKE I'M LETTING ALL OF YOU DOWN WITH THIS CRAP. I AM SORRY. SOB SOB SOB. **

**I think it's because they weren't originally meant to be whole chapters? I don't know. Pudding. Also I just saw Big Time Video at long last which means I have seen every episode ever to ever be aired. Help me. **

7

"Oh my gosh," Kendall moaned into his hands. "I hate headaches so fucking much, man. I hate them hate them hate them."

James sighed, glancing around the street. "There's gotta be a grocery store or drug store or something close, we can get you some aspirin there."

"I would totally look for one, if, like, my thinking worked," Kendall replied irritably, not making much of any sense. Feeling that his sentence was incomplete, he tacked a 'dude' onto the end and shut his mouth, walking on in silence beside his friend and staring into space. There was still a raging party going on in his stomach, and he graciously would not the one to crash it with a damn _headache_.

"Whoa, man," James said slowly, pointing down the block. Kendall followed the path of his finger, squinting at the building James was indicating. It was big, and bright inside, and there were red letters on the front, but hell if he knew what they said. It wasn't his fault that the words kept molding into different shapes every time he tried to get a closer look, or emanating so much light that they just became just a hazy red glow and got all up in his eyes like that.

"James," Kendall managed to say, losing his footing for a second and gripping onto the other's shoulder. "The fuck is that, I can't read it."

"It's _Stater Brothers, dickhead_," the brunette said like it was the most obvious thing in the whole entire world. Evidently Kendall was way more out of it, because if James could function, let alone _read_ then kudos for him, that was fantastic. They could actually get somewhere, which was more than Kendall could do on his own right then, the only possible accomplishment maybe being most stonerest of all the earth.

Kendall felt his spirit reconnect with his physical being as he started moving, James holding onto his hand and practically dragging him towards the store. He was about to complain, but it _was_ his fault they were going anywhere but a place to crash. Not like he could form a sentence capable of articulating anything he wanted to say anyway.

"Whoa, _dude_, whoa," Kendall whispered, eyes wide with awe, staring at the huge storefront before them. "It slid all the way down here so we could go in!"

James ignored him, leading the way inside. They stopped in the front area, both staring up at the signs above the aisles and not processing a single word. Where was the aspirin? No, really, _where_ was the aspirin? James' own questions didn't make it into the one brain cell left that could actually think, let alone the_ answers_. He saw all the words, but for some reason, they were meaningless.

That obviously wasn't working. "Alright, Kendall," he declared. "Let's go."

He had a purpose. They were on a _mission_. James went for the first aisle he saw, Kendall trailing behind and slowing them down every time he got distracted by the fluorescent lights. But James wasn't having any of that, and so, fearlessly, he led them on down the cleaning aisle, which was so not the pharmacy section unless they were planning on cooking meth or something.

"I don't see any," Kendall complained, reaching for James' hand and interlacing their fingers. James felt his entire being become warm with embarrassment, glancing around before deciding that he was way too high to care even what people thought of him (which was like the number one concern constantly pestering him). He swung their hands back and forth, finding himself at the end of the aisle. One down, a shitload to go.

At the end of the aisle was the dairy section, James being drawn to it almost magnetically. His eyes drifted from one shelf to the next, skimming over milks, creams and variations thereon, starting when he felt Kendall's hand suddenly crush his fingers, nails digging into his skin.

"J-James," Kendall breathed, his grip slackening slightly as he tugged James over to a stand in the middle of the section.

There were stacks upon stacks of those little snack pudding cups, leading up right into heaven.

"James. We _need_ pudding. I am not even joking right now." Kendall left James to nurse his totally obliterated fingers, collecting six-packs of pudding cups and welcoming them into his arms like they were alive. His eyes grew wider with every pudding cup they rested upon, amazed at the extent of _this much_ delicious in one space. It was a good thing they didn't have a shopping cart or basket because Kendall alone could carry a lot more pudding than one might think.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hurray! An actual chapter, at long last! And the last four after this are decently long as well. Except for where I never know where to end my chapters so I feel like the endings are awkward but OH WELL that happens. So, in any case, hope you all enjoy. :3 And please please review and tell me what I'm doing right and wrong. **

8.

"Dude," James whispered, shaking the other's shoulder. "Hey. Wake up. Dude." He shook Kendall harder, making a face and punching him in the chest.

"Wake up, it's important," he whined, stopping his abuse and Kendall groaned sleepily and shied away from him. His eyes opened halfway, scrutinising James before closing again. Waking up was so not on his agenda.

"No, dude, wake up, I swear, wake uuuup, Kendall," James pressed. Kendall hit him in the shoulder, moving to the other side of the bed and looking more pissed off than ever before.

"Fuck off, James. I don't care." He held out a hand, palm facing up, as if asking for something. "See this hand, James? It's full of the fucks that I give. So, I repeat, I don't care if the Pussycat fucking Dolls are standing naked outside the window, I don't want to be woken up by you or anyone else."

"No, Kendall, seriously, I-"

"James," Kendall said through gritted teeth. "I. Don't. Give. A. Shit."

James rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the creepy-ass sound coming from the backyard and laying back down. Smirking at his success, the fact he'd gotten into Kendall's pants, no, no, the fact that Kendall had wanted in _his_, he rolled over, moving over to where the outline of Kendall's form was showing through the sheet and pulling the blonde into his arms.

Kendall grunted irately in recognition of him, succumbing nevertheless and pressing back into James' chest. "You're warm," he mumbled, smiling slightly only because he knew that James couldn't see it. He'd be mortified.

He heard a low, static-sounding voice when the two were silent, hearing the faint sound persist over his and James' breathing.

"What the fuck is…" he whispered, not caring enough to finish his sentence, or even think about finishing it for that matter.

"Yeah," James said, loudly and in Kendall's ear, provoking the other to land a not terribly painful warning hit to James' crotch. "Ow. That's what I was waking you up for, though, cause it's coming from the backyard and it's really weird and I wanted to go check it out but since you're being such an insufferable dick, I guess not, huh."

"Hmm, yeah, I wanna go to bed," Kendall mumbled, sinking into the bed slightly as he relaxed his tense body and melting against James. "All I want is sleep. Don't say anything smart. Shut the fuck up, and let me sleep."

James shut the fuck up, placing soft kisses on the back of Kendall's neck and starting down his upper back, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist, smelling chocolate and clean sweat and Kendall. Man, that was, like, his every dream right there; he didn't even know why he wanted Kendall up if he had the only fucking thing he wanted (okay, that was a lie, for emphasis or something) just to _have_.

He felt himself getting just a little bit hard, since it was sort of difficult not to when he was up against the back of a very naked Kendall, and separated his lower half from the other slightly. Kendall made a soft sound of discontent, turning over in James' grasp and pushing up against him. James closed his eyes, shivering at the feeling of Kendall's dick pressed to his own and leaning down slightly to kiss the man of his dreams softly.

Kendall smirked against his lips, too tired to kiss back and letting James mouth gently at the corner of his mouth, biting at his lower lip and trying to coerce him into, well, not falling asleep on him.

It was just nice to be so close to someone else, and an excellent testament to how radically marijuana worked to bring people together so quickly and smoothly. Kendall ground up against James, the movement subtle enough but more noticeable than anything.

"Okay," James scolded him, voice firm but legs tangling with Kendall's nonetheless. "Obviously, you're okay with being awake, and fucking me, but you'll bitch at me madly when I try and get you up?"

Kendall ignored his comment. "On the subject of getting things up…" He reached his hand down, fingers curling around James' cock and pulling on it teasingly.

"Ahh, dude, stop," he complained, "I'm trying to…trying to make a point here."

"Yeah, I don't care," Kendall said dismissively, still with his hand down under the covers more feeling James up than actually trying to jack him off.

"C'mon, Kendall," he pleaded, pressing into Kendall's hand nonetheless. "Just come outside with me really quick and then when we get back in we can do anything we want."

Kendall sighed, resigned. "Fine, fine, I'll go outside and humour you. I'm already awake, so what the fuck ever. Get my pants for me.

James blushed madly in the darkness for two reasons- one was flattered shocking realisation and the other was dreading embarrassment. The shock was just kind of settling in, he never thought he'd have Kendall in bed up against him asking him for his pants. He was also beating himself up for denying Kendall anything sex-related, but, then again, they had time and he wasn't letting his cock think for him as much as his friend was. Though the most prominent reason for his burning hot face was the fact that he couldn't do what Kendall asked of him and get his pants.

This was in part because Kendall had no more pants.

James got up out of the bed, out of reach of Kendall's impending attack on him and stood there awkwardly with the most obvious boner in the world. "Uh, Kendall? I, uh, sort of have something to tell you."

"James," Kendall groaned, rolling onto his back. "Just…just…you're an ass."

"I'm very deeply sorry in advance," he said quickly, backing up even farther in a vain effort to avoid injury. If merely waking Kendall up caused all hell to break loose, then this, this?

"What,_ what_ did you do," the blonde demanded, glaring over in James' direction and seeing him cower in fear of the other.

"I, I, uh, I don't have your pants any more? They, uh…"

"Out with it," Kendall growled menacingly.

"I fed them to Belle," he blurted, all in one word, covering his face with his hands and stepping into the corner, shaking in absolute terror.

"James!" Kendall yelled, sitting up and pushing the blankets to the side angrily. "I am sick and tired of your shit! What in hell would possess you to feed my only clothes to a goat! You know, we actually have to get back home tomorrow, and now I'm stuck with no clothes! Either go out and find me some clothes or just go fuck yourself now!"

"I'm sure Max has extra clothes," James told him reasonably. "I can just go get some clothes from his room or something.

James left the room in search of spare pants, Kendall sighing, leaning back in the bed, and looking down at his still half-hard dick. From the very start, their trip had been utterly ridiculous, starting with fucking getting picked up by some mom and ending with, well, Kendall begging James to fuck him into the bed. He honestly felt a little embarrassed with James' nonchalant attitude overall towards their growing affection for each other, James just kind of pushing him away both before their ride and, again, now.

Even though in the car ride they'd kind of admitted to having mushy feelings for each other, Kendall didn't even know if James remembered it, let alone meant it. He didn't know where they were, both figuratively and literally, and he was alright with that, but some answers would be nice. He really liked James, _why_ he didn't know, and he was kind of looking forward to lots and lots of dirty, nasty sex.

All in all, it didn't matter. Kendall relaxed into the bed a little bit, spreading his legs slightly and reaching down to touch himself absently. He felt warmth spreading through his crotch, squeezing his dick before upping his pace, closing his eyes, and leaning back into the headboard. That was way, way better than thinking, even though he found himself really wishing James would quit being an ass and get back there and fuck the life out of him.

James walked back in the door and Kendall opened his eyes, James quickly averting his.

"What's the matter?" Kendall asked, voice thick and sexy as hell. He watched James watch the floor, spreading his legs wide and holding his cock at the base. "C'mon, look at me, man."

James glanced up, looking at Kendall apprehensively, looking at his _face_, though Kendall could see the want embedded _somewhere_ in his expression. Not to mention it was pretty damn hard for James to hide his feelings naked; no pun intended.

"James, seriously, just come over here and fuck me, then we can go outside, I promise." James looked down at the bundle of stretch denim in his hands, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Kendall was just going back and forth from violently bitchy to endearing and wanting, and the changes were pretty unpredictable. James was hesitant when he walked over to the bed, climbing up and over Kendall.

"Mm, James, you're so hot," Kendall told him, tangling long fingers in his hair and pulling him down so their lips were brushing together. "Just…be with me for a second here. More than a second. A long time. I want your dick in my ass, dude."

"Fine, but I'm holding you to your promise."

"Whatever," Kendall murmured, kissing James softly before shoving him down. James sighed, pausing when he heard the radio sound again and proceeding to bite down hard on one of Kendall's nipples.

"Ow, damn," the blonde boy muttered, curving a palm around the back of James' neck and watching him alternate between teeth and tongue, supporting himself with a hand on either side of Kendall. His eyes flicked up momentarily to meet Kendall's, the latter heaving a heavy breath and moving slightly to find a more comfortable position. James shook his head, amazed he'd let Kendall win, biting at his nipple a last time before moving on down.

Kendall let out a noncommittal noise, hips rolling up as James mouthed at his lower abdomen. He put his hands up to rest his head on his arms, watching James take his cock into his hand and glance up again as he licked the tip teasingly.

"Jesus Christ," Kendall whispered, staring up at the ceiling as he felt James go down on him slowly. He kept thinking James was going to stop and pull back off but he kept moving his head down until he had Kendall's entire dick in his mouth. Kendall just gaped at him, feeling his throat constrict around him before James pulled back. He reached up to kiss Kendall briefly before turning his attention back to his cock, moving his lips up and down at a steady pace with his hand around Kendall's erection steadying himself.

Kendall squeezed his eyes closed, half-aware that he was making a really stupid face but not really caring about anything other than James' mouth and how fucking delicious it was right then. He felt super-sensitive to every move James made, despite the fact that it seemed like all the feeling he could ever feel was undoubtedly in his dick at that moment. So when James' fingers moved up, smoothing over his thigh, he flinched violently, looking down at the brunette in desperation.

He would totally care that James was doing all the work and he was just sitting back and enjoying it (hell, if there was ever an understatement, it was that), but all he really could care about was coming. He wanted to more than anything but at the same time he didn't, the singular human instinct to reproduce as quickly and efficiently as is possible and the desire for the ecstatic feeling to last forever conflicting in his clouded head.

"J-James, stop," he managed to get out, achingly hard when James pulled off his cock and looked up at him. However preoccupied he was with making his appearance perfect on a daily basis, Kendall's opinion of the ordeal was that James' usual degree of attractiveness was about at Gustavo compared to how he looked right then. His hair was a raging mess (the stuff of James' _nightmares_), his lips reddened and slick with saliva and whatever else Kendall's dick had to offer. James would usually have been about to cry because of how dishevelled he was currently, but it was fucking hot and Kendall would graciously not be the one to tell him anything else.

"What?" James asked, sliding himself up so that he came face to face with Kendall, the blonde totally and utterly chucked off the bed and into hell with how damn _sexy_ James sounded with his voice so raspy and raw from, what, smoking the day away, getting no sleep, and having large blunt objects slammed into his throat repeatedly.

"Like I'm letting this end with just you sucking me off," Kendall said, like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. "I told you I wanted you to fuck me again, and I meant it." With that, he reached down to jack James off slowly, feeling him get harder and hotter with each firm stroke.

"Shit," James muttered, pressing his forehead into the sheets right above Kendall's shoulder and dipping his hips down slightly. "This is way better un-stoned."

He shifted his head to the left slightly, pressing moist lips to Kendall's neck and feeling the blonde arch up beneath him. God, he was done with the whole just kinda hanging out and kissing and touching thing. He honestly wanted to be as close to Kendall as was physically possible, and he wanted it to be rough and raw and painful. He wanted to be so deep inside Kendall that he _was_ Kendall.

Kendall too was becoming slightly impatient. "Alright, let's get this party started," he suggested with a smirk, letting go of James' erect cock to slide both hands over his ass. James brought his fingers to his own mouth, but Kendall smacked them away, giving the other a half-hearted glare. "I don't care about fingering or whatever, I don't care about lube, I've got a bunch of pudding in my ass anyway if you've forgotten, and I just want this right now, so come on."

James groaned quietly at Kendall's words, which happened to be his thoughts exactly. It was relieving to have someone with whom common courtesies such as preparation were overlooked.

"Alright," James agreed, shrugging and looking down between Kendall's wide open legs in concentration. He held his breath as he grabbed his dick and pushed into the other slowly, Kendall with his hips lifted so that he could sink back onto James.

As soon as he was all the way in, Kendall nodded, lower lip caught between his teeth, and James started to move erratically. He gripped Kendall's hips tightly, assisting him in his forward movements and helping to shove himself in just that much harder. Kendall was staring down at the place where their bodies slid together, panting heavily with his breath catching every so often, letting a breathy moan with each exhalation.

That reminded James he had to breathe, who gasped for air each time he started to forget and feel lightheaded. He watched Kendall's face, he watched Kendall's body, which seemed to be breathing itself, every muscle just under his skin tensing and relaxing in a steady, heavy rhythm.

Amazed, James ran shaky hands down Kendall's chest, supporting himself on the hot skin and frantically ramming into the other boy. He felt a too-warm, heady, borderline anxious feeling rising and inflating in his chest, feeling like he was about to explode in a burst of confetti and unicorns. Kendall was just. Just. So fucking hot it hurt.

"You're incredible," James murmured, Kendall shooting him a playful look before closing his eyes and pushing onto James' dick, James watching every little detail. He saw Kendall wet his lips and mouth something indiscernible, he saw the curve of his back when he arched off the mattress, he saw his hips working desperately to get James further in, more forcefully. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever witnessed, and coupled with the slick tightness squeezing around his cock, he might as well have been dead and in heaven.

And if _that_ was heaven then James was going to convert immediately and spend the rest of his life giving everything he possessed to charity and repenting his sins twenty five hours a day and never allowing a single thought about sex or pot to cross his mind.

Kendall reached down to jack off furiously, small sounds leaving his mouth as James kept fucking him as violently as he could. He was _so close_ and then he'd have to listen to retard James and go outside but nothing even mattered because he was right on the edge of the most fucking amazing orgasm he would ever experience and he would have done just about anything to fall right over and keep falling and falling and falling.

James gritted his teeth in determination, burying himself deep inside Kendall before beginning to slam in slower but harder, Kendall's body convulsing each time he went in deep. James watched Kendall's frenzied hand falter, enraptured in the sight of the other boy's cum, and how it landed across his chest and stomach and dribbled over his fist.

Kendall kept a hand tight around his cock, his own seed warm on his hand as James came hard inside him, making the most shameless and frighteningly loud sound he'd made in a long time, shaking with the force of the greatest feeling in the world multiplied a thousand times by Kendall laying beneath him being Kendall.

"Oh my god," James whimpered, pushing his pudding-sticky hair back out of his face and leaning down to kiss Kendall on the forehead and then the lips. He pulled out of the other slowly, Kendall gasping as he did. Kendall closed his eyes and let his entire being unclench, holding James close with his lips in his hair.

"That was…awesome," Kendall breathed, deciding that just plain 'awesome' wasn't intense enough or faggy enough to fit the situation. "No, that was fantabulous. Inconceivably breathtakingly spectacularly fantastically magnificently stupendously fucking super. Just thought I'd let you know."

"I couldn't agree more," the brunette said, kissing Kendall deeply, openly. "You win for convincing me into this. However, I'm the supreme winner because I woke you up and _face it_ that was better than sleep."

"Shut up or I'll do it for you," Kendall threatened, about to admit that, yes, that was far superior to sleep but his competitive side getting the better of him.

"Now wanna go check out the noise? I got you some pants." James allowed himself to smirk, deciding he was on Kendall's good side for proving himself to be just as awesome in bed as he was everywhere else.

"Fine, alright, I promised," Kendall muttered, sliding up and giving James the hint to get off of him. He did, sitting on the bed to the side of Kendall and looking around the room with a slightly apprehensive look.

Kendall pushed himself up and off the bed, heading off to the bathroom and leaving James on his own. James took a deep breath, taking his phone off the nightstand and checking to see who'd been bothering him while he was experiencing utter godliness. There was nothing but a text message from Max, telling him that the walls were thin and to keep it down.

Oh well, too late. He sat back in the bed, glancing around him, a tiny bit uneasy with left alone with no Kendall and just him and the creepy-ass voice coming from outside. He stared at the doorway, watching Kendall's form appear in it and enter the room, walking up to the bed and looking like he'd just walked through a tornado naked.

"I think the pants are down there," James said, pointing at the floor towards the end of the bed and watching as Kendall turned around, deliberately bending over as far as he humanly could to pick up the jeans James had retrieved for him.

"Stop it," James growled, sounding more aroused than irritated and getting a soft laugh out of Kendall.

"You know you love it," Kendall teased, picking up the pants off the floor. James watched his face go from content to horrified in moments, mortified gaze flicking from the jeans to James and back to the jeans again, every look at the pants filled with hatred and every look at James seeming as if James had just kicked a puppy.

"Y-You…" Kendall stammered, at a loss for words. "_Mom_ jeans?"

"They were all he had!" James argued defensively, throwing his arms up in the air.

"Whatever," the blonde boy sighed, shooting a bitter look at James before stepping into the godawful pants he had brought him. He pulled them up, looking down in despair at the high elastic waist before rolling it down several times so that the pants only came up to his hips. They still looked ridiculous, and no matter how Kendall tugged them down or rolled up the legs they remained ridiculous.

"God, James, just when I was starting to like you, too."

"You mean just when you were starting to realise you're pissed off for no reason and lighten up a little bit?"

Kendall glowered at James. "I am a very nice, very pleasant person. However, tonight, now that I see the depth of the shit we've gotten ourselves into, which you obviously don't, yeah, I'm not so nice or pleasant. I apologise deeply, James, because I tend to tolerate you because you're pretty okay and, well, I hate to admit it now but usually you're like my best friend. The point is, though, you destroyed my clothes and all you got me to wear is mom jeans, and I'm mad at you."

"Fine. Be a chick. I get it." James waved his words off dismissively, rolling his eyes although good-naturedly and getting up to move towards the door. Kendall may have been planning to distract James and leave the mysterious noise forgotten, but it didn't work. "Still wanna go?"

"Yeah, I told you I would."

"Awesome. I sense more awesome coming on, through my sixth awesome sense. Whenever there are frequencies of awesome in the air, my awesome starts awesoming."

"And then 'awesome' starts turning into nouns and verbs."

"Yes," James replied seriously, grinning at Kendall and picking his pants up off the floor. Kendall watched as he slipped them on and zipped up, stretching before looking around for a shirt. He pointed at where it lay on the side of the bed furthest from him, briefly trying to summon it using the force before giving up and leaning across the bed to retrieve it.

He pulled the shirt over his head, shrugging as if to loosen up a bit before exiting the room with Kendall in tow. Both boys were kind of starting to realise how honestly seriously tired they were; however, strange noises came before sleep that night. Whenever there was a chance for stupidity, they gladly accepted, running off into the night in mom jeans with pudding smeared like war paint all over themselves, just, you know, another average day.

They went through the dark living room to the back door, sliding the glass and then the screen open with the utmost care and concentration, as not to disturb Max. James went out first, then Kendall, who shut the door behind him and shivered upon stepping into the slightly cooler air.

"Dude, James, you don't even know how gross I feel right now," Kendall told the other, making a face and looking around the backyard.

"How come?" James asked back as a courtesy, sounding distracted as he began to look around for the source of the radio voice. It was almost drowned out by the noise coming from the next house, whose raging party had impressively lasted until four o' clock in the morning.

"Because…there is pudding, man, everywhere. It's in my hair, I don't even know how it got there, it's in places I don't even…want to think about. I didn't realise how many places it got until now, and, you know what, now it's pretty disgusting."

"If it's any consolation, I've got it everywhere too, except not quite as everywhere as you perhaps."

"Perhaps," Kendall agreed pointedly, wandering over to the tree towards the corner of Max's small yard. "It kinda sounds like it's coming from over here," he mused, the voice sounding more and more broken up by static the closer it seemed to get. James followed him over to the tree, turning from Kendall's path slightly to step up to the fence dividing them from the party neighbours.

"Dude, I think it's coming from the neighbours'. Like, right behind the fence. I swear to god, dude, get over here."

Kendall, looking newly disgruntled, followed him to the fence, stepping up on one of the cinderblocks strewn around the base of the wooden fence and looking over and down. There was a small hole in the ground, looking like a regular old snake or rabbit hole, catching Kendall's attention long enough for someone to notice him.

"Whoa, dude!" someone yelled from the neighbours' yard, Kendall looking up, eyes widening with his instinctual guilty conscience. It was hard to explain exactly _why_ he was spying on the neighbours in the dead of night half-naked and looking like he'd just walked out of a nuclear blast.

"Dude, that's totally Kendall Knight!"

Slightly more confident that the cops weren't about to be called, Kendall waved enthusiastically, the three guys and one girl in the backyard starting on their way towards the fence and the rabbit hole and Kendall. Kendall smiled at them, kind of happy for contact with normal human beings after a night with, well, rather _unusual _people.

"What brings someone of significance here?" another of the dudes asked, grinning at Kendall and staring down at whatever was in the plastic cup he was holding.

"You don't wanna know," Kendall laughed, shaking his head as James climbed up on the same cinderblock as him to look over the fence as well. "Which is a nice way of saying I really don't know right now."

"We were bored," James added, "and no one seems to care about how totally potheaded you are here, which is, like, awesome."

"I can't believe Big Time Rush is on the fence of Aaron's backyard," the girl said to the original yelling guy, looking from James to Kendall and grinning at them.

"Hey, you guys should come over," one of the neighbours suggested. "Party's pretty awesome, and it would be so cool if you guys were th- what about Carlos and Logan, are they here too?"

"No, they didn't come with us," Kendall replied, still smiling at the guy. "Thanks for the offer though, man, but I don't know, I've kinda been trying to sleep for a while and I'm not really awake enough to be up for a party." He winced, honestly regretting that he was as exhausted as he was.

"What about you?" the guy asked James, looking slightly put out. "You down?"

"I'm down like the _economy_," James answered, making a hand gesture and nearly falling off the fence. "C'mon Kendall, you've gotta be kidding, like, party? Look at this party, it looks decently awesome, let's go."

Kendall rolled his eyes, looking back at the expectant neighbours and weighing his different options. "I don't know, man, I mean, I really need to- ahh- get some rest," he said slowly, James' hand slipping down the back of his mom jeans midsentence.

He shot a pointed glare at James, trying to act normal despite James totally feeling him up. "I…I guess…like…yeah…I guess I will," he managed to say, highly distracted and led into making yet another stupid decision, courtesy of James.

"Well come on," the girl said warmly, all four of them watching as James and Kendall climbed over the fence and landed in the cool grass of the backyard.

"I can't believe you," Kendall said, shaking his head. "This is why I didn't wanna go check out the noise, because I expected to be led into a party or something. Ass." James shrugged, disregarding his comments. Kendall could've gone back any time he wanted, but he _let_ himself be persuaded by the other. James didn't drug him or anything; therefore, it was not his fault.

"Is there food?" James asked the guests or neighbours or whatever, looking at the house hopefully.

One of the guys laughed. "Yeah, totally. I don't know what you can't find here," he responded vaguely, leading them over to the patio and setting his drink down on a table. He turned to James, looking at him for a moment before speaking. "Do you think…you guys could, like, perform? Like, sing or anything?"

James wasn't up for it, at all, but…the guy was really cute. And he had no excuse not to and nothing better to do. "Maybe? I don't have any of the music or anything, but…maybe we could just sing some stuff, if people are up for it."

"I'm Zack, by the way," he said, extending a hand for James to shake. James shot him his infamous smile, gauging his reaction. A thought flew past his brain about how it was probably a bad idea to seduce random strangers when you're semi-famous, but a thought actually stuck in his brain that didn't care.

"Well, Zack, Kendall and I would love to perform for you and everyone else."

He smiled back nervously, looking over at Kendall, who was just kind of glaring at James. The girl stepped over to them, she having been standing by Kendall. "There's karaoke going on inside, that would even be cool if you guys didn't have anything to sing."

"Dude," James said, addressing no one in particular. "Karaoke is the _best_. Like, _the_ best. Is it not, Kendall? It's the best, admit it."

"Kind of," Kendall confessed, looking over at Zack. "Like, do you actually want us to perform? Because James here seems kinda set on doing karaoke, but that doesn't matter."

"No, man, karaoke would be awesome. Do whatever, it's a party, you're supposed to have fun and chill out, it doesn't matter."

"Dude," James said, hitting Kendall's shoulder and getting his attention. "This guy thinks _exactly_ like me!" He looked at Zack as if to clarify 'this guy'.

Kendall turned to him too, sizing him up and looking back at James, and then back to Zack. "You think like James? Sorry, dude, I don't know if we can be friends."

Zack gave him a strange look and Kendall laughed. "I'm kidding, man, James is great, most of the time." Kendall smiled at James, which felt really great to the latter, because Kendall had seemed kind of constantly upset with him that day, contrary to his usual pleasant demeanour. Maybe he was just overjamesed. Too much of him at once could really make a good guy go bad.

"Come on inside," Zack invited them, picking up his drink and making his way through the scattered groups of people to the back door with James and Kendall behind him. James entered the house first, Kendall smacking his ass before following.

James looked back over his shoulder, smirking before turning his gaze back in front of him. Hell, the house had looked pretty small from the outside, but it was a lot bigger than it seemed. In other words, it could fit a lot of shit and a lot of people inside. And a lot of television.

"Shit, man, that's a huge TV," James commented, barely heard over the commotion of loud talking and loud singing and loud music. He looked up at the flat-screen in awe, mind half-processing the lyrics on it before he turned towards Zack expectantly.

Zack turned his attention to someone close to him on the other side of where Kendall and James were standing, saying something in her ear that James couldn't hear from where he was and taking something large and white from her.

He fiddled with something on the side of it, holding it up to his face just when James was realising that he had an effing megaphone. And that the chick who randomly had it on her was awesome.

"Hey," he yelled into the megaphone experimentally, everyone quieting down except for the music. "Johnny, turn down the music," he ordered, seeing a kid go up to the TV and fix the volume of the song playing. "I have a quick announcement to make, and that is that Kendall and James from Big Time Rush are here!"

About half the people in the room (which was most certainly a lot) cheered or made some noise of excitement, Kendall waving and smiling. His mojo was slightly back on with a crowd of people in front of him, making him a little less tired and a little more concerned with the rest of the world.

James had already found his way over to the karaoke like some phototaxic insect to light, looking at the list of songs on the table next to the television with distaste. "Kendall," he called over to his friend…boyfriend….whatever. "We should pick songs for each other."

"I accept, but I don't know that you're completely aware of the war you just declared on me, dude."

James blinked at him, obviously still unable to process words longer than six letters long. Kendall made a face at the sudden stab of pain he felt, and _there_, and all because of stupid James and his stupidly amazing cock. Damn, that hurt. He felt the feeling fade, thankfully, paying attention to his surroundings again and making his way over to James.

He asked for it, and he was going to get it.

"Alright, gimme the list," Kendall said, walking up behind James and standing dangerously close with an elbow supporting himself on James' shoulder. James gave Zack an apologetic smile for Kendall's, well, closeness, possessiveness, whatever, handing over the folder and stepping away slightly.

Kendall pretended to reach over James to get something off the table, taking an opportunity to mutter words in his ear. "I'm not stupid, I see what you're trying at, go ahead, I don't care."

James wasn't sure if they were talking about the same thing. He gave a slightly confused look, asking silently for clarification. The blonde gave a miniscule tilt of his head towards Zack, looking in the boy's direction and then back to James, who shook his head.

"Boyfriend? No?" he asked through his teeth, Kendall busying himself with scanning through the list. Kendall nodded slowly, murmuring 'but I don't care' so that just James could hear.

"If you want."

James shrugged, kind of wanting to be loyal to Kendall rather to hook up with some random guy, mainly because he knew that whatever Zack could do to him Kendall could do a hundred times better. On the other hand, whatever Zack could do to him Kendall probably wouldn't until they got back home. On the other other hand, he wasn't sure if Kendall truly didn't care or if he was just saying that, because people did that and James wasn't that great at analysing stuff and getting people's underlying intentions out of what they said.

He sighed, waiting for Kendall to pick a song for him to sing.

Kendall's eyes widened and he got this evil look, James getting his game face/dare face/intense face on and inwardly preparing himself.

"Party in the USA. Miley Cyrus. All the way."

James groaned, snatching the song list from Kendall just to make sure it his fate was sealed, and, as it was, he set the vile folder back down on the table from whence it came. "Seriously, Kendall?" he asked incredulously, and a few people laughed. "The only thing worse than Miley Cyrus is, like…Hannah Montana. I- dude, really-"

"I'll have you know this was your idea," Kendall pointed out, always the smartass. That shut James up well enough, the brunette snatching the microphone from the table and giving Kendall an indignant look.

Johnny fixed the TV for James, the latter being too retarded to do it by himself. "Just press play when you wanna start," he informed James, handing him a remote and sitting down on a chair to the side of the television.

"This song is so _dumb_," James growled one last time, as if that would change something. He had agreed to the rules of the Kendall and there was no turning back. He might as well get into it. It was alright, to tell the truth.

Especially when he had to refer to himself as a chick and Kendall started laughing and he loved Kendall's laugh, a lot, and then at the part where he had to sing something stupid like 'moving my hips like yeah' and then he made this horribly obscene gesture and gave Zack the most seductive face he could muster, good idea or not.

Because honestly, boyfriend or no boyfriend, life was short and James was out to fuck up as bad as possible while he still had time. That particular work ethic hadn't had too many repercussions so far.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Well. I'm shocked that I'm almost done with this story. Just saying.**

**Um, so yeah, this goes back after the fangirl part, just to let y'all know, since this story makes no sense. The next chapter is all porny. And then the next two are in order (what?) and then it's DONE. **

**So, here you are, it's shorter than the last one, but here it is. Hope you enjoy :3**

Kendall leaned his head against the window, feeling it rattle against his skull but not particularly caring. His lips curved into a smile as he felt James touching at his leg, fingers toying with the fabric of his grey jeans, and continued to look out at the unfamiliar city. He'd decided one thing, and that was that if any place embodied the stereotype of suburbia, this had to be it.

It almost, almost would remind him of Minnesota, if not for the warm dryness of the air even at night. Minnesota, however was far from his mind. James tugged on his pant leg and he turned to the other boy, mumbling an exhausted 'what'.

"What?" James asked back at him, Kendall giving a short sigh.

"Did you want something?"

"Of course, but no," the brunette replied, leaning into Kendall slightly and _still_ plucking incessantly at the fabric on his shin. Kendall sighed again, wanting to either relax or fuck, usually two of his main three options, food being excluded. Somehow, _somehow_, the awesome force of his raging constant teenage hunger coupled with extreme munchies had been thwarted by endless French fries. Quite honestly, he could say that hunger-wise he was content.

"Could you quit pulling on my pants?" Kendall asked the other, shooting him a look before turning back to the window. 

"What?" James sounded slightly confused.

"I said could you cut that out, with the pants."

James held both his hands up in innocence. "I'm not doing anything," he said, truthful and a little bemused, looking at Kendall oddly. "You must be hallucinating."

"Hallucinogens do that," James' mohawk-bearing friend told Kendall from the front seat, delving his hand into a chip bag next to the driver's seat and stuffing the handful of potato chips into his mouth. Kendall felt his stomach squirming slightly as he stared at the guy, incredulous at how repelling food sounded.

Kendall swatted at the tugging on his jeans, hand coming into contact with something warm and damp. He felt his heart start beating slightly faster, pulling his legs up into the seat.

"James," he whimpered, sounding very distressed. "What the fuck was that, please tell me I just touched your vagina or something right then, else I'm gonna start freaking the fuck out."

"You didn't touch me," James mumbled, sliding a hand around his friend's shoulders and sounding slightly bored with Kendall's troubles. Well, that was fucking fine, Kendall could deal with the monsters under the seat on his own. He just- sincerely didn't want to be eaten right then. He didn't mind coexisting with whatever the hell was living under Mohawk guy's car seats (okay, maybe he would have without weed), but he minded being touched by them.

"James?" he asked timidly, curling into the other boy and anywhere that didn't involve him being below the edge of the car seat. "What the _fuck_ is that."

Kendall felt a soft touch to his ankle and flinched, squeezing his eyes shut as something clenched around the material that covered his ankle, scraping against his skin through his pants. "Oh my goodness," he moaned, running his fingers through his hair and gripping at the fine strands.

James had the audacity to _laugh_ at him. "Dude, Kendall."

Kendall whimpered, trying to condense himself into nothing, leaning his head back and staring at the ceiling. "What," he hissed, feeling James' arm tighten around his shoulders.

"Look down," the taller of the two chuckled, and Kendall hesitantly obeyed.

"Dude. What the…what the hell?"

"I honestly don't know. Max?"

Mohawk guy grunted in recognition from the driver's seat.

"Is there a…?"

"Oh, is Belle making friendies?" he asked in a sugary voice, looking at the back seat through his mirror. "Aww," he cooed with a smile, smiling as he watched a terrified Kendall and a rather amused James discover the odd things he brought in his car.

"W-why is there a goat in your car?" Kendall asked, voice still a little shaky but considerably more relaxed now that he saw the monster was just a harmless animal.

Belle turned her goat head up to inspect the boys, biting at Kendall's pant leg again and tugging on the denim.

"Hey now," Kendall scolded her, pulling his leg out of her mouth, yet not without consequence. Max's pet happened to be holding on a little too tightly, and the seam on the outside of his leg managed to tear up to his knee. Eyebrows furrowed in disdain, Kendall turned to his friend, glaring between him and the goat before sighing and absently fingering the ripped edge of the fabric.

"Well, that's gay," he commented, newly sullen and feeling himself coming down from his high slightly. That explained why he was suddenly feeling so shitty. He was about to ask James whether they had any more weed, but he didn't want to be disappointed if the answer was no.

Kendall felt James moving next to him, leaning back as Belle climbed up onto the seat. She sniffed at James before climbing over his lap, James emitting pained sounds each time her hoofed feet dug into his thighs. Goats weighed a lot, apparently, because getting stepped on by one was pretty painful. Innocent, she stood with her front feet on James' lap and her back legs on the leather car seat, nosing at Kendall's shirt before closing her teeth around it.

"Oh, for God's sake," Kendall whined, staying still this time in a vain attempt to avoid what happened with his pants. James reached over with a purely _evil_ look on his face, grabbing a fistful of Kendall's shirt and guiding it to the goat's waiting mouth.

"That's right, sweetie, eat up like a good little girl…"

"James, I will fucking kill you!" Kendall yelled, watching wide-eyed as Belle chewed lazily on his t-shirt. However much he would like his clothes off, he needed them for the next day, or however long they were planning on being away from Hollywood (he didn't have any clue where the fuck they were, they'd just gone wherever the chick who'd picked them up was going).

Belle, horrifically enough, started to walk backwards, Kendall's shirt clenched between her flat teeth, pulling the fabric taut so that it was uncomfortably tight around Kendall's back and shoulders. Normally it would be James caring too much about his clothes, but Kendall was decently distraught. James was laughing, and Mohawk guy seemed to be not paying much attention.

The animal was apparently pulling so hard that Kendall started moving with her, body leaning into James and fingers clawing at the edge of the seat trying to get Kendall's place in the car back. Desperately, Kendall leaned forward, pushing the stretched hem of his shirt up and trying to get the garment up over his head. Not without struggle, he got the shirt off of his body, skin buzzing from the force of the fabric.

Belle took a seat on the other side of James, gnawing on Kendall's discarded shirt.

"Ow," Kendall whined pathetically, pushing his bangs back out of his face. "You asshole," he said, not really sounding at all as pissed off as he'd intended.

"You love me," James teased, pretending he wasn't totally drooling over his friend. He felt Kendall's heat radiating out from his torso, watching the rise and fall of his chest and the subtle movements of the muscles just underneath his skin.

Kendall caught James red-handed (red-faced, more like) in the act of unabashedly checking him out, laughing softly and waving a hand in front of the other's face.

"Earth to James…" he said, said idiot looking up at his face and seeming slightly confused. "Anybody home?" James blinked, pausing for a moment before grinning at Kendall, Kendall glancing over at the goat that was destroying his striped shirt.

"Aren't you supposed to be mad at me?"

"Honestly, she would've eaten my clothes anyway, you're just a dick for feeding them to her."

"Does this mean you won't rip my balls off if I try and kiss you?"

Kendall gave James a lascivious smile, running a hand up his thigh as James leaned forward, lips inching closer to Kendall's. He felt Kendall's hot breath on his face, heartbeat picking up as his eyes met with Kendall's half hidden ones.

"Alright," came a voice from the front seat, Max glancing at them through the mirror again. "I think it's about time to lay down some rules of the car." He patted the passenger seat as if to demonstrate that this was, in fact, the car he spoke of.

Kendall turned away from James, attention now on Max. James sighed irately, looking down at Kendall's hand on his leg.

"I understand that it's mating season, and I think you guys are great together and all, but I like my car nice and clean. I'll put up with making out or whatever, if you must, but there will be absolutely no sex in the car. And if you need to back at the house, whatever, it's my mom's house, do what you gotta do, just…please clean up after yourselves. Yeah?"

"Okay," Kendall agreed, sighing as he felt James impatiently mouthing at his neck, hand pressed to the centre of his bare chest. Kendall ran his fingers along James' jawline, tilting his face up so he could get his tongue just as involved as he wanted it. James lips parted the instant contact was made, capturing Kendall in a wide open kiss and holding nothing back.

Forget about not being hungry; Kendall was _starving_. He'd never wanted such a moron so badly, and he knew that, yes, his brains were fuddled and his senses were fucked over and he didn't know which way was up, but that did little to impede his feelings at the moment.

Kendall pulled away, hesitating and pressing his lips to James' one more time.

"We should go out, or something," he suggested, surprising himself at the fact that his conscience wasn't screaming no, no, god forbid.

"We are out, dude," James laughed at him, sneaking in another soft kiss.

"No, I meant, like dating," the blonde clarified, pulling James closer.

"Yeah, sounds great," James murmured, blushing and feeling a little stupid staring at Kendall so deeply. Whatever, he could use this whole car ride for all sorts of blackmail and debating purposes. "All I really want is to be your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend anyway."

"Hey, shut up," Kendall giggled, pulling out of the other's grasp as Mohawk guy made a sharp turn into his driveway. Things went oddly silent as Max turned off the car, everybody giving a collective kind of sigh and exiting the vehicle. Kendall stretched, breathing in the cool(er) night air and realising just how tired he was.

James came up next to him, holding the bags full of pudding cups and looking equally worn out.

"I'm glad our adventure is kinda coming to a stop, dude," Kendall said, sounding relieved, thinking, _way to jinx myself. _If only he knew.


	10. Chapter 10

"Kendall?" James asked softly, shaking the blonde's shoulder when his eyes started to slip shut. "C'mon, let's get to bed."

Kendall reached his hands out from the couch for James to help him out, smiling tiredly at his friend. "Dude, I'm just glad we can relax now. I may have no idea where the hell I am, but everything's pretty alright now."

James took the other's hands, holding them there for a moment and giving him this look that communicated the utter faggotry he was feeling right then. His band mate gave a slight smile, letting James pull him to his feet and sling his arms over his shoulders. Kendall raised an eyebrow, stepping closer and looking down to see James' hips pressing up against his own.

"I feel like having that pudding," Kendall decided, ruining the moment a little bit, but it was _Kendall_, so fuck it all.

"And I feel like fucking you," James replied honestly, turning his head to the side so his lips brushed against Kendall's cheek. He pressed forward, grinding up against his friend as to persuade him out of dessert and into bed.

"I see we have a difference of opinion here."

"Then let's make a compromise." James smirked, the steady smile faltering slightly as he really started to think about his implications.

"You're nasty."

"_You're_ nasty."

"Hey, don't repeat me, bitch, if I wanted my own comeback I would've wiped it off your mom's face," Kendall retorted without missing a beat.

"Oh, shit," the other laughed, turning away from Kendall so he wouldn't be cracking up in his face. "Okay, you win."

"Yeah, whatever, I'm gonna go get the pudding." Kendall stepped back before thinking better of it, grabbing James' shoulder and making him stumble forward as their lips met awkwardly. Kendall appeased his friend with a brief, deep kiss, delving far into James' mouth before pulling back, licking his lips, and leaving for the kitchen.

"Son of a bitch," James whispered, watching Kendall walk out of the living room with purpose to find his fucking _snacks_, which _apparently_ he wanted more than the most handsome being to walk the earth. Whatever.

Kendall returned with the bags of pudding and two spoons, grinning madly and standing in the doorway, looking at a very expectant James.

"You wanna go in our room? Or do you want Max to see me raping you?"

Kendall shrugged, heading off to the guest room and leaving James to fix his bangs compulsively before following. Upon entering the room, Kendall felt himself doing a mental dance. There was, quite truthfully, nothing better than the prospect of a warm bed to sleep in. Sleep was his best friend. Not Logan, not Carlos, definitely not James, not even unlimited fries. Not even_ pot_, that was James' best friend.

He climbed up onto the bed, relaxing into the pillows and pulling a pudding cup out of the bag. That was the absolute peak of awesomeness: in bed with nowhere to be and no responsibilities whatsoever with your favourite food and a hot guy. Seriously. Awesome. Period.

Kendall picked up his spoon and peeled back the plastic seal of the pudding, dipping his spoon into the thick chocolaty deliciousness and bringing the cold dessert to his mouth. He practically melted into the bed the second the pudding touched his tongue, giving a rather obscene sounding moan at the taste and thanking god for headaches.

"This is so delicious," he said through the pudding that filled his mouth, savouring it for a moment longer before swallowing. Just as soon, the spoon went back into the plastic cup, Kendall eating and eating and never ever wanting to stop. Each bite was slow and deliberate, hence the never wanting to stop part, pausing to lick the pudding off his spoon every time before plunging it right back into the dessert.

James was caught between a glare and a look of amazement, brow furrowed and mouth slightly open. He walked over in a dazed stupor, sliding onto the bed beside Kendall and watching him eat.

"Kendall?" he asked slowly, watching Kendall's tongue run over the rounded tip of his spoon.

"Mmm," the blonde replied noncommittally, glancing at James out of his peripheral vision and leaning back into the bed.

Before Kendall could get any more pudding, James had grabbed the spoon and ripped it right out of Kendall's hand, setting it on the blankets behind him and staring at Kendall hungrily.

"_What_," Kendall demanded, irritated to the point of homicidal.

James didn't answer, gripping Kendall's chin and kissing him forcefully, the unique aftertaste of pudding all over his lips, mouth cold from the dairy product. Kendall twisted his fingers into the other's hair, returning the crushing kiss and sighing into James' mouth. The brunette wasted no time in taking action, hand going straight for the less than subtle bulge straining against the front of Kendall's jeans and squeezing. So much for picking fucking food over him.

Kendall pulled his lips away indignantly, watching James face as the latter concentrated on feeling Kendall up.

"James," he argued, just trying to eat his pudding in peace. "Get me off."

James smiled the biggest smile ever, leaning in to kiss Kendall's bare shoulder and increase the pressure of his fingers on his crotch. "Happily."

"No!" Kendall almost shrieked. "No no no! I meant 'get off me'! Jesus fucking Christ, I said that completely wrong! I meant 'get off me'!"

"Kendall?" James asked, still with a horribly devious look on his face, scooting closer to Kendall on top of the blankets. He moved his hand up to run it over Kendall's chest, giving him these horribly suggestive eyes. "Do you know what a freudian slip is?"

"Yes," Kendall grumbled. "And that was not one. That was the effect of me being so goddamn tired and hungry and having you molesting me. Even though you're really attractive."

Kendall wrenched his spoon out of James' hand, blushing madly and moving away from the other slightly. "I'll fuck you later, don't get me wrong, I want to, but right now I want pudding more. I know, I know, there's something deeply wrong with me, but I know you're not going anywhere so I'm managing my time according to priority."

"You know, you only had to say, like, half of the words you said."

The blonde boy set the plastic bag on his lap, reaching in and retrieving another pudding cup. He removed the lid, setting it next to the other ones and shooting a glare at James before starting on his fourth pudding. Man, it was so sosososo _good_.

"Alright, I guess I might as well have some," James decided, Kendall holding his pudding a little protectively and continuing to spoon large quantities of the dessert into his mouth. It was a good thing they'd bought, like, all the pudding in the store, because Kendall wasn't planning on stopping any time soon and if he had to share with James then it would definitely all be gone in due time.

James reached into the plastic bag, taking extra care to grope Kendall through the plastic before getting a pudding cup and starting to eat it, pretending he wasn't continually violating Kendall's personal space (like he had any to violate).

"Hey Kendall," he started, getting that scheming look and eating his pudding all dainty and womany while Kendall was in the process of ditching his spoon altogether so he could just dump the chocolate pudding into his mouth.

Kendall made a noise in reply past the pudding cup he was occupied with, glancing over at James and squeezing the plastic cup so he could consume more, faster.

"How about sex_ and_ pudding?" James proposed, spoon hanging from his lips.

Kendall's face wrinkled in disgust. "That's gross, James. That is so gross."

"Hey, don't knock it till you try it," the other said logically, shrugging and setting down his pudding next to him.

"James, I hate you. You know, and I know, I'm sticking to my party pooper policy where I have to try new things unless they're stupid or dangerous or involve Carlos at all, so, you know what? I'll be optimistic and say this could be alright. Even though it's gross.

"Awesome," James agreed, leaning over to mouth at Kendall's neck gently. This time, instead of shrugging him off, Kendall leaned into the touch, slipping an arm around James' back and shifting closer. It _was_ kind of nice, anyway.

Kendall reached over to the other, toying with the waist of James' pants before trying and failing to get the button undone. Sighing, he brought his other hand around, getting the pants open and sliding his fingers inside. James bucked up into his hand, encouraging him as he brought his mouth up to reach Kendall's.

Kendall let a wanting sound into his mouth, tugging down James' underwear carefully and taking the pants with them. He felt James smirking, and ran a hand down to touch at the inside of his thigh.

"Stop teasing," James complained, reaching down to jack himself off at a decent pace. 

"Well so_rry_," Kendall replied, James reaching over to grab the bag and extract a pudding cup. He peeled it open, discarding the lid and dipping his fingers into the cool chocolate. Kendall watched as he reached down, smearing some on Kendall's lips and the rest on his own dick.

Deliberately, he took more from the cup to transfer it to the head of his cock, which was pressed to his stomach, Kendall licking his lips and glancing up at James for further direction.

"You wanted your pudding, so eat it," he ordered, tangling his fingers in Kendall's hair as the blonde moved up to do as he said. Kendall smirked, gripping the base of James' erection and licking a clean stripe up to the tip. "No way are you choosing pudding over this degree of handsome, not if I have anything to say about it."

"Stop saying 'handsome', you sound like a moron," Kendall grumbled, turning his head to lick the pudding off James' flushed cock. He had to say, this new combination of a couple favourite foods of his was starting to grow on him. A lot. He looked up at James again before shifting down slightly and closing his lips over the head of James' dick, beginning to suck harshly and feeling James' cock react to it.

He heard the sound of James' head hitting against the wall above the headboard of the bed, Kendall starting to move his lips up and down further and faster. James let out a punctured sigh, fingers restlessly playing with the hem of his boxers. Kendall pulled off for a moment, hand taking over as he regained his composure. Every so often, his gag reflex would kick in, and when he wasn't even that far down on James too. Stupid human reactions, stupid biology. He didn't need a fucking _gag reflex_. That was the _last_ thing he needed.

Refreshed, he went back to his task, James' upper half moving to do god knows what as he worked on James. Blowjobs were a lot of work, they really were, straight men and lesbians could never truly appreciate the effort that goes in, Kendall thought, moving his arm up so that James could reach down under him.

He pulled off James, gasping as he felt James' hand slide under the waist of his jeans, feeling slick coolness go up past his balls so that James could rub at his entrance gently. Warily, Kendall pushed his hips back away from James, hoping to distract him with a kiss and an extra great handjob. The fingers, the dreaded fingers. He hated that part; it was way too deliberate for him.

"Hey," James murmured, pulling his lips away from Kendall's just slightly. "Turn around."

Kendall grunted in acknowledgement of his sentence, dissatisfied. James took his hand out of Kendall's pants, Kendall pushing his pants down and sitting next to James so he could get them all the way off. He felt more exposed than he should have, leaving his grey jeans near the end of the bed and turning around so that he faced them.

"On your hands and knees," James clarified, watching Kendall climb over his legs and into the desired position. The brunette cleared his throat, pudding cup still in hand as he coated a finger in the thick dessert. Kendall watched over his shoulder as James slid the tip of his finger into him, moving it slightly before pushing it in further. Kendall grimaced at the uncomfortable feeling, letting a resigned sigh and closing his eyes until James had his index finger all the way in.

Kendall was pleasantly surprised at how good a substitute pudding was for lubrication. James twisted the finger inside of him, pushing it in and out slowly before getting more pudding onto his hand and adding another cold finger.

"Dude, that…" Kendall trailed off, about to tell James how uncomfortable he was but not wanting to sound like a pussy. He could handle _that_ of all things and wouldn't admit to anyone that he felt he couldn't. Especially not _James,_ of all the people on God's green earth. Kendall shuddered at the fingers delving inside him, going ways that he never thought his ass went. "…ugh," he finished, biting his lower lip.

Kendall breathed a sigh of relief as James took his fingers back where they belonged, James' tongue hot and damp as he licked the excess pudding from around Kendall's hole. He got a noncommittal groan out of Kendall, the latter shifting his hips and feeling the pudding inside him. Damn, that was nasty nasty nasty.

"Ah, man," Kendall sighed, getting off the bed and standing next to it. "I just…that feels weird. It feels distinctly pudding, man, it's gross." James crawled over so that he was in front of Kendall and slipped off the bed as well, standing in front of Kendall, leaning on the mattress.

Kendall squirmed slightly, leaning down to kiss James roughly, James standing up on his own without the bed's help and reaching around with both hands to grab at Kendall's ass and push their lower halves together. Kendall felt his breathing get harder as James' cock slid forcefully against his own. James took a second pudding cup that he'd opened, returning to Kendall's entrance with the fingers, but, thankfully, just rubbing at his opening before sliding up and leaving Kendall's backside sticky with chocolate pudding.

Kendall pushed James up against the bed, James leaning back into the mattress as Kendall took control and started grinding against the other, rutting up between his spread legs and watching his face for every little reaction. James' lips were parted, teeth clamped down around his tongue as he pushed his hips back into Kendall's desperately. He moved his hands to try and grope Kendall again and push him harder against himself, fingers slipping around in the chocolate mess instead and serving no use to him.

James slid down with a little help from gravity and the fact that his leg bones felt like pudding themselves, Kendall pushing him all the way onto the floor and climbing over him. The power had kind of shifted from James to Kendall, Kendall hovering over James and placing a soft kiss on his mouth.

"Dude," James giggled, pressing a pudding handprint into Kendall's chest as he pushed him up to grab the Stater Brothers bag off the bed. With it he took his half-empty cup of pudding, crushing the plastic cup so the contents were squeezed into his other hand.

He reached down with a pudding-coated palm, wrapping his hand around Kendall's dick and jerking him off quickly. Kendall yelped at the coldness, heart rate jumping up as James continued his motions with vigour.

"Dude…James, that…awesome," he decided, kissing James again just because he wanted to. The pudding was still a little disgusting as far as he was concerned, but James kind of made up for it, kind of. James' hand slowed down a bit with the distraction of Kendall's mouth, and he eventually took it back, slicking up his own cock and pulling his hips back.

"You want me to fuck you?" James asked, tone very nice and polite despite the bluntness of what he said.

"Yeah," the other breathed, looking down and biting at his lip. "Do you…I mean, are we….like, did you have…never mind." Kendall sighed, feeling stupid and a little bit nervous.

"Did I have what?" James pressed, kissing at Kendall's jaw and feeling the blonde tilt his head back.

"I said never mind," Kendall muttered. "I was gonna ask about a condom, but then I realised that I don't really care and that I'm not gonna get pregnant and that if you have some kind of weird homo STD then I probably already have it."

"I have one if you wanted to use it," James told him, his concern for Kendall's well being as a friend surfacing in the rather awkward moment.

"Dude, no," Kendall said, rolling his eyes and giving James a quick peck on the lips. "I really, really don't care."

"You sure you wanna do this?" James asked, becoming a little unsure of himself suddenly. This was Kendall, this was what he'd been dreaming about, this was what he'd been constantly fucking thinking about, this was, like. It. The last thing he wanted to do was screw up. And he had a bad habit of screwing up, big time. The difference with this time is that it actually mattered to him, somehow.

Kendall pushed his hair out of his face, sighing. "Please don't chicken out on me now, man. You instigated this, you got pudding all over the place, you made me hard as fuck, and you are going to fuck me right here and now.

James shuddered at the forcefulness of the other, giving Kendall a shallow, teasing kiss and biting at his lip. He could do this. And it would be _awesome_.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: This story went by fast for me. I'm glad. Writing can be really awesome but also really exhausting, and this was more fun for me than exhausting. Not to say I wasn't dying at some parts. But. I'm finished and planning out my next batch of homo (which will be much less homo and love triangley and A GIRL IS IN IT WHOA A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES AND ALL THAT JAZZ are you surprised? Because I'm surprised. **

**Anywho, this chapter was a lot of work and idk if it's boring-er or not but, uh, yeah, this is the penultimate chapter and then there is some cheesy stuff and some pr0nz and some more cheesy stuff and sadface that I ended it with cheese but it seemed like THE ONLY WAY OUT. Mmkay. Have fun, last chapter should be up soon. **

Kendall had never been more happy to see Carlos in his _life_. Despite the pathetic state he was in, grimy and in someone's mom's clothes, he was shameless enough to run up and throw his arms around his friend's neck, hugging him tightly. Being saved was an exciting prospect. Going home was an exciting prospect. Oh god, it would be pure magic to be back in the Palm Woods, in the shower, and then relaxing on the couch with his favourite people ever.

His heart ached with yearning for that long-awaited shower, half-praying to get back home fast and without problem despite not being a very religious person. James followed close behind, also giving Carlos a warm hug, both of them very glad they didn't have to hitchhike back. 

Being in the hands of a friend was always comforting, even if said friend was as notoriously irresponsible as Carlos. Honest, loyal, yes; trustworthy, not so much.

"Dude, I love you right now. Well, I always love you, but right now, I worship you now," Kendall blurted, grinning wildly the entire time. Carlos was looking him up and down skeptically, looking full of questions.

"Get in the car," he laughed, motioning at the car door and watching as James and Kendall hastily entered, James calling shotgun immediately before and going around to the passenger side. Carlos shook his head, getting in the driver's seat and starting up the car.

"Why am I in a car with Carlos behind the wheel?" James asked, starting to look mildly disturbed.

"I sure hope that's a rhetorical question," Kendall laughed, "because I don't have an answer."

"It's because I'm made of awesome," Carlos responded like it was totally obvious, putting the minivan in reverse and stepping on the gas. The vehicle shot backwards out of the driveway, screeching before it hit the opposite curve and turning spastically so he could drive down the street.

"Oh my goodness," Kendall said, voice laced with dread.

James and Carlos laughed rather sadistically, high fiving and seeming happier than anything to be reunited after such a…well, awesome night, but neither of them would ever, ever relive that, ever, or do it again…adventure.

"Well," Carlos said, "Start talking, guys. I wanna hear everything, and I mean everything, I can handle it."

Kendall cleared his throat and James turned off the radio, everyone's attention to the boy in the back seat.

"Well, it started when me and James decided we were bored and wanted to get out of the house. Since there were, like, no parties and everything else sounded lame, we were like, let's go to the beach, right? Except we couldn't for the life of us find a ride, or a bus, and we couldn't pay for a taxi or anything, so we decided to hitchhike. So some chick picks us up after a little while, she seemed pretty normal, kinda mommish, and she asked us where we were trying to go.

"We said, you know, we were kind of hoping to go to the beach but that it didn't matter and we were up for anything, you know, exploring some random city or whatever, and she was going the opposite way of the beach, and she was all like 'oh sorry' but we didn't care. So we end up in this little town, like, a while northwest, maybe forty-five minutes or maybe more. Well, you know, Glendora, here.

"So we were walking around for a while, wondering what to do, and we ended up at some school except no one was there because, obviously, Saturday, and so we were like, oh let's check this out. So we ended up on the roof, because it was super obvious and east to get up there, and James had brought some pot and stuff just because you never know and I guess he figured it might come in handy. Obviously, we got super high, and by that time it was like…what, seven or so? I don't know, the sun was almost down, so we were like, okay, I'm fucking starving, man, let's go get some food. Right?

"We walked down the street awhile and ended up in the main little downtown kind of area, and were both just, like, singlemindedly wanting food and only food. So we found a restaurant and helped an old lady and there were unlimited fries which was like the holy grail only it was really hard to get them, but only because we were so stoned that it was practically impossible to think.

"So we sat there for like an hour just borking out majorly and eating fries, and then we left, and I had a really bad headache, so we went to Stater Brothers to get aspirin. Except, when we were trying to find it, we found pudding instead, and I was like oh my god, pudding, this is amazing, and so we bought, like, all of it, and then we decided it was probably a good idea to get to a hotel or something since it was getting pretty late.

"James realised that he had a friend that lived close, so he called him up and he said he was at his mom's house or something and she was gone but that we could crash there for the night. Which was awesome, cause we were pretty worn out. So we were just waiting for the dude to show up…and then the creepiest fans I have ever seen showed up.

"At first, we were like, okay, they're weird, yada ya, but they weren't trying to rape us or anything so we were pretty cool about it. Anyway, we signed one's rubber gloves,"

"Rubber gloves?" Carlos interjected, incredulous.

"Oh, yeah," Kendall said, making a face.

"Okay, sorry, continue."

Kendall licked his lips, watching as Carlos turned onto the 210 heading towards L.A. at last. "Alright, so we signed her rubber gloves, and then the other chick wanted me to sign her Vans, cause apparently she knows about the passionate love affair going on between Vans and I, so we were like, okay, not the norm, but they were alright, just kind of creepy.

"Apparently I wasn't overreacting to the oddness of them, cause as soon as James' friend showed up and we went to leave, they attacked. Not that that doesn't happen, but they like, leeched onto us and they wouldn't let us go, but we ended up distracting them by going like 'oh, Logan's coming, look' kind of bullshit and that was enough to get the fuck out of there before we got locked up and molested.

"So we get into the car like oh thank God we're alive, and we're just relaxing, and then I feel this pulling on my leg and I was like 'James stop it' but he was all innocent and saying he wasn't doing anything and I was just yelling at him sorta, asking him what the hell he's trying to do and to cut it out, but he just keeps giving me weird looks and so _apparently_ the pulling on my pants leg was the friend's pet goat.

"Obviously, what the fuck, a goat, but the little asshole just kept pulling on my pants until they ripped, and I was kinda pissed but whatever, goats do that, and then it started eating my shirt and it wasn't going to rip it but James up there decided to help the goat along and assist in feeding my shirt to her. So I had no shirt and some retarded ripped up the side pants, but it was alright. So, then me and James started, uh, totally fagging out over each other, and I don't know if we're going out now, because that was what was established last night when we were both still decently high, but I haven't exactly been acting like it, because this morning I was really pissed and wanted to get home so I was a real dick to everyone, sorry James, I shouldn't have been such a bitch, but yeah that happened and Max, the friend, told us we couldn't fuck in his car. Anyway. That was awkward.

"But we got back to the house and Max went to bed so me and James were still up and I wanted to eat all the pudding we got at Stater Brothers because that was the whole point and it sounded really, really good cause I hadn't had pudding in a long time. But James wanted to screw and I was like whatever, we can do that later, the pudding needed to be eaten and I was the perfect candidate for that.

"So we went in our room and I started eating the pudding and it was the most godly thing I had ever tasted, well, except maybe the unlimited fries at the time. Anyway, though, I was just eating, and all of a sudden, okay, maybe I should leave this part out. So skip to later that night, well, actually in the morning I think-"

Carlos cut Kendall off again. "Hey, you're not allowed to leave parts out, I wanna know the whole story, even if it's just you and James fucking."

James sighed from the front seat and Kendall backtracked reluctantly.

"So I was trying to eat my pudding," he continued in a strained voice, "and all of a sudden James just takes my spoon away, and I'm all like what the fuck, pisshead, I was using that, but then he just, um, kissed me, I guess." Kendall swallowed, blushing wildly and absolutely not wanting to continue. "So, uh, I guess we were just making out and we were both getting pretty into it and James was saying stuff about how he was better than pudding anyway, and so he decided that if I was gonna eat the pudding it was gonna involve him, too, so basically, he put pudding all over his dick and other places too and, yeah, I ate it, and then he used the pudding as lube and decided to finger me and then fuck me, so, that happened, and it was very messy.

"Anyway, I fell asleep a little while after because I was really super tired, and James, ass that he is, fed my pants and underwear to the goat. So I was left clothesless, when the retard decided to wake me up in the middle of the night because he was hearing crap outside. Naturally, I assumed he was just being paranoid, told him to shut up, and tried to go back to sleep, except he kept pestering me. So, to humour him, I listened to whatever was or wasn't there, and he was totally right. There was, like, a weird recorded voice sound coming from the backyard, like someone left a radio out there or a walkie talkie or something.

"So James was like, oh let's go investigate, and I, being a moron, was like oh sure yeah let's go except I didn't have any clothes and the only clothes we could find were some mom jeans and a super gay shirt, and then we fucked again, I don't know, so I put on the jeans and tried to make them less retarded, but to no avail, but that was cool since I honestly didn't care. Even though I looked like a total mess. So we went outside, and the sound was definitely out there, so we were all in this guy's backyard looking for the weird radio noise, and James realises that it was coming from the next yard right behind the fence. We still wanted to figure out what it was, and so I climbed up onto the fence to look over.

"And all of a sudden, this guy comes running out of the house and I would have thought he was gonna kill me or arrest me or something but he was all like 'OMG Big Time Rush!'. So I waved and he came running over and James looked over the fence and he seemed even more excited.

"This guy told us that he was having a party, which was pretty obvious, there were people all around his yard and music blasting from his house, and he asked if we would perform at his party. We…oh damn, we totally forgot about the voice thing, anyway, but it didn't look like a trap so we were like 'okay if you can get the music or something we'll have like a mini-concert and if not I guess we can sing some random shit or whatever', and he was totally stoked even though you and Logan weren't there, so we came over the fence and partied there for a while, and apparently there was a fucking karaoke machine thing so we sang some crap according to each other's requests, and now that I think about it, it was pretty gay, but it was fun, so whatever.

"Everyone was totally tripping on my wonderful outfit, and the fact that I still had pudding residue all over me, but you know, I'm probably not gonna see these people again so whatever. So anyway, we hung out there until like…three or something, I don't know, and then people started leaving so we were like alright that was cool let's go back now, so we did, and I actually slept without anyone fucking with me or waking me up. So it was finally, finally, over. Then we woke up, at like eight or something, and I put the clothes on and we called Logan and we called you and I got really pissed off at James for the crazy night and I think I was just really tired but I yelled at him for an ass-long time but then you decided you could pick us up and then you did and it was amazing and now here I am and I can't wait to get in the shower."

"Wow," Carlos breathed, glancing back at me and grinning. "That's not as wild as it gets, but that's pretty wild."

"Yeah, and it sounds pretty normal when you're not high," James added.

"Hey, speaking of these awful clothes, no one minds if I'm naked, right?"

"Uh, no, I guess not," Carlos said, laughing afterwards at the ridiculousness of the whole affair. James put in an enthusiastic 'definitely not', and Kendall sighed happily, wrestling out of the pink top and chucking it down by his feet, the pants following close behind. Ah, freedom. He sat back, feeling much better now that he wasn't within the evil confines of momdom.

"Yeah, so overall, I mean, despite the bad points, like getting mauled by fangirls and, well, everything, it was _awesome_, pure awesome."

James glanced back at Kendall, smiling to himself before resting his head and arms on the dashboard and trying to get some much-needed sleep. Carlos kept laughing intermittently whenever he thought about their story, shaking his head and continuing to drive. Maniacally. Kendall had barely made it through telling him about his and James' night, and was amazed at James for being able to relax.

Carlos was swerving violently into whatever lane he currently saw fit, making the blonde's heart beat a bit faster each time he did. He wasn't even using his fucking turn signal either, and Kendall honestly had no clue how he made it around without getting thrown in jail and fined.

"Carlos, dude, use your turn signal when you switch lanes, seriously, that's illegal."

"Turn signal?" he called back to the other boy, crossing the double yellow line into the carpool lane. Kendall winced at his flagrant disregard for the law, heaving a sigh of mild relief (at the fact that he was alive). He looked down at the small pile of clothes, making a face of disgust and picking them up. Thoroughly unimpressed with them, he turned in his seat, chucking them over the way back seats and into the trunk.

It was then that they heard sirens. Kendall groaned loudly, glaring daggers at Carlos, hearing James cursing quietly from the passenger seat and looking at the police car behind them through the rearview mirror.

Carlos started pulling over, lane by lane, the cop car hot on his trail with a very pissed off looking driver.

"Kendall," James said, sounding mortified. "Please put your pants on."

Kendall's throat went dry. "I-I," he stammered, "I just threw 'em in the trunk, man."

"Oh my," the brunette whispered, still watching out behind them as Carlos managed recklessly to get into the farthest right lane. The cop was telling them through a megaphone to get off at the next exit, Carlos pulling over as soon as they got off the freeway and the police cruiser parking right behind the van.

"Fuck," James muttered, gripping at his hair and _messing it up_, a true sign of distress. "Carlos, you're such a goddamn idiot."

Carlos moaned, rolling down his window and turning off the car. All three boys watched the cop get out of his car, coming around to the driver's side and leaning on Carlos' window. He poked his head in the car, looking back at Kendall. Kendall watched his eyes widen and then narrow in suspicion, giving the policeman a nervous smile and pulling his legs up onto the seat self-consciously.

The cop sighed. "Licence and registration, please," he told Carlos, who obediently dug his wallet out of his pocket and found his driver's licence. He handed it over to the cop, turning to James.

"James, could you get the sh- papers out of the glove box? Thanks."

James shot him a vile look, opening the glove compartment and retrieving Carlos' registration papers, surprised he even had anything resembling a licence and registration with him. It wasn't very Carlos to be prepared or legal.

He gave them to Carlos, who in turn gave them to the policeman. He looked them over, glancing back up at Carlos after.

"Carlos Garcia?"

Carlos nodded. "That's me."

"And you are….seventeen?"

"Yes, sir," Carlos answered, seeming generally unfazed by the certain doom about to come crashing down upon him and his car.

"And what about them, who are they, how old are they?" He motioned to James and naked Kendall.

James answered first, looking down at his lap with the fear of God in him. "I'm James Diamond, and I'm, um, seventeen too."

"And I'm Kendall Knight, and I'm sixteen," Kendall informed the cop. "It's only a few weeks til my birthday, though, if that matters, which I don't think it does."

The cop sighed again, giving them all a look of utter condemnation. "Mr. Garcia, I'm sure you're aware that it's illegal to drive around other minors, and for that, I'm sorry, we're most likely going to have to suspend your licence. In addition to that, you've violated California vehicle codes 22107, or failure to use a turn signal to alert other drivers of your movements, here, lane changes, and 21655.8a, crossing over a double yellow line into the carpool lane."

Carlos nodded, seeming resigned to his horrible fate (his dad was a cop, for Christ's sake, he was gonna get busted, busted, busted for this). The cop gave Kendall another strange look, walking around to the passenger side.

"I'm gonna have to search your vehicle," said the policeman, clearing his throat. "You two," he ordered, pointing at James and Carlos, "exit your vehicle, turn your backs to me, hands on the car." He looked at Kendall. "You, get out and stay close to the vehicle, have some sense, I don't want to have to charge you with public indecency."

Kendall sighed, blushing furiously. "I have clothes in the trunk," he informed the cop. "Did you want me to put them on?"

The cop eyed them all suspiciously. "Just get out of the car."

They all obeyed, reluctantly, maybe, doing exactly as they were told. The policeman adjusted his belt, setting his hands on his hips. "Everything out of your pockets."

Carlos took out his cell phone, keys, and wallet, James just his wallet, both of them putting their things on the passenger seat and waiting for further instruction. The cop glared at all three of them, patting down James and Carlos before deciding they didn't have anything illegal on them.

He turned his attention to Kendall, brows furrowed and eyes narrowed, before motioning for the boys to get out of his way. He opened the back doors and then the trunk, looking inside and scrutinising carefully every single item in the car. Kendall turned to James with a very meaningful questioning look, face asking where the weed was.

James grimaced, inclining his head in the opposite direction. Kendall took that to mean he'd tell him later, biting his lip and clasping his hands in front of him.

The two both looked at Carlos, deadly serious and full of threats. Carlos shrugged, watching the cop inspect their trunk, digging under Carlos' crap and seeming to find, yet again, nothing. He returned to the cruiser, ducking inside and coming back out with a small pad of paper. Looking over at James, Kendall, and Carlos, he took a pen out of his pocket, holding the paper against the window and starting to write.

In a few moments, he was back over to Carlos' car, tearing off the first sheet and handing it to Carlos upside down.

"Mr. Garcia, your licence is being suspended, I can discuss conditions with you when we get back to the station. You ought to schedule a trip to the DMV too, or it'll be worse," he said, hearing the small cry Carlos let out. Kendall turned back to the car, reaching for the handle but stopped by the policeman.

"Ah ah ah, we're towing the van. I'll be driving you three."

"Can I get my pants, please?" Kendall asked politely, the cop nodding reluctantly. Kendall exhaled, relieved, fetching the mom jeans out of the trunk and pulling them on, rolling the legs up and the waist down, running a hand through his hair, and climbing into the cop car behind James and Carlos.

Just when things were starting to look better, too.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: THE END!111!11!1!11 **

**I apologise for the lame ending, I really do. But I'm super duper beyond happy at finishing this. Unicorns are falling from my eyes as I speak. **

Kendall walked past James, growling 'where' in his ear as he did. The brunette looked up, glancing around the room before turning back to Kendall.

"Later," he hissed, wide-eyed and looking between Kendall and the various authority figures around the room. And Kendall was saying _he_ was the stupid one. Gosh, what kind of a person had the audacity to ask about where the pot stash was in a police station?

Kendall shot him a look, adjusting the waist of his pants before leaving James to go speak with the police officer that had brought them there. He ran his hands through his hair, taking a deep composing breath. "Could I possibly call my mom, please, sir?"

The cop nodded, leading him over to the side of the room where the telephones were. He took the phone off its hook, pressing a number and giving it to Kendall with a very displeased look on his face. Kendall made sure he heard a dial tone before dialling his mom's cell and hoping to God for a voicemail.

"Hello?"

"Hey, mom," he said, attempting at casualness and trying to keep his voice lower than it was. His voice got high when he started freaking out, and his mom knew that. And right then? He was freaking. The fuck. Out. "It's Kendall."

He was right; she immediately picked up on the panic in his voice. "Honey? What's wrong, what do you need? Do you and James need a ride home?"

"Um," he started, mouth exceptionally dry. He licked his lips, glancing over at the cop and kicking his toe against the floor. "Carlos is with us, too, ah, we all need a ride home." He looked over at James, who was sitting on a chair against the wall and just seeming bored. "Um, so yeah," he sighed, kicking at the baseboard.

"Where are you all?"

"I…uh…Glendora? It's right up the 210, I, um, we just need-"

He bit his lip, hearing his mom's laughter on the other end. "I know where Glendora is, Kendall, where are you in the city?"

"Okay, ma, I promise I can explain when you pick me up, but, uh, we're kind of in the police station." She was silent and he continued, trying desperately to turn the subject in another direction. "It's by the library if you go downtown, on Glendora Avenue and then turn on, like…Foothill I think it was and there's the library and-"

"The _police station_?" She sounded absolutely horrified.

"Yeah, I- Carlos- driving- I'll tell you on the way home, I don't have that long on the phone." That was totally a lie, but what his mom didn't know wouldn't hurt her. Hopefully.

"No. You will explain this to me now," she ordered, Kendall making a face and looking at James.

"_Mom_," he whined, leaning against the wall and sighing irately. "Carlos was speeding on the freeway, and then he crossed a double yellow line, and then he didn't use his turn signal, and we got pulled over and ticketed. That's all. They won't let us drive home so I'm hoping you could give us a ride."

"Carlos' dad is a cop!" she said incredulously. "Jesus Christ. Yeah, I guess I can….get you guys…I'll be there in about forty-five minutes or so." She sounded more resigned than angry at that point.

"Okay, I'll see you then," Kendall sighed. "Love you." He hung up before she could bring up anything else he didn't want to answer, fixing his hair and moving over to James. "Come on, just charades it, I really wanna know," he told James, sitting in the empty chair next to him and glancing over at Carlos.

James did the YMCA hand motions, choosing to be obnoxious instead of informative. Kendall scoffed, laughing just a tiny bit and leaning against the wall. "Man, I don't wanna have to see my mom before I get a chance to, like, clean up and stuff," he complained to James.

"I'm sorry, man," the brunette sympathised with him, looking at Kendall tiredly. "I so want to get home soon. I need a shower _so_ bad."

"I need a shower worse," Kendall told him. No one was going to get in the way of his precious precious shower. Especially not an idiot like James.

"I call first rights to the shower," James said smugly, putting his hands behind his head.

"No," Kendall said demandingly. "You don't understand. I _need_ the shower."

"Let's not argue. Let's just shower together."

"I call first rights to the water," Kendall decided, James giving into him and reluctantly accepting. It wasn't like it really mattered; Kendall would probably forget as soon as they actually got home. It was just another long, awkward forty-five minutes, and then, finally, they were with someone trusted that could bring them to safety, safely.

When Mrs. Knight showed up, at long last, Kendall and James both ran up to embrace her, absolutely bursting with happiness. She smiled, looking slightly embarrassed, before going over to fetch Carlos and talk with the cop.

After a few more torturous minutes of waiting, they were let free, the three boys rushing out the door with Kendall's mom close behind them. She led them to the car, unlocking it and watching as they flung themselves inside.

"God, I hate that place," Carlos groaned, rolling down the window as Mrs. Knight started up the car. "They just make you _sit_ there. Oh my gosh. It's like school, except without doing anything."

"You say that like you do things in class," Kendall laughed, so utterly relieved.

"I do too! Just not what I'm supposed to do! But I don't have, like, five cops breathing down my back in there. So I can make super cool shit out of school supplies in there, oh, and talk to _girls_, and one of the _Jennifers_ sits next to me, she's so hot, man. There weren't any Jennifers in the police place. That sucked. That sucked so bad."

Kendall rolled his eyes, James taking his hand and looking at him meaningfully. The blonde squirmed a little in his seat, looking uneasily from their clasped hands to his mom and back again.

"_Dude_," he whispered through his teeth, James shrugging and kissing him on the cheek. Kendall looked absolutely shocked, giving James the look of all looks.

"What?" James asked, feigning innocence.

"My mom is right there," Kendall whispered in his ear so said mom wouldn't hear, James shrugging again.

"She's gonna find out at some point," he reasoned, looking at Kendall's mom, who was obliviously driving. Not that she ever really needed to pay attention to anything James, Carlos, and Kendall were up to, in the rare moments there weren't any injuries involved. "I mean, I don't think she'll care."

"You guys don't think who'll care about what?" Mrs. Knight interrupted, eyeing the boys suspiciously through the car's mirror.

Kendall cleared his throat, coming up with a random lie. "Camille…that Logan can't go to her party. She really likes him, you know."

"I meant the real reason," she sighed, Kendall silently cursing himself for being an awful liar.

Carlos looked over at James and Kendall, smirking at the two but looking slightly concerned despite. Kendall looked at James, and James at Mrs. Knight, the blonde sighing and looking down at his lap.

"Well…mom, I just sort of figured, like, I don't know, I'm sort of in a relationship and, just like last time, I didn't want to tell you but now I'm telling you."

Kendall bit his lip, watching his mother narrow her eyes. She'd never been too keen on Kendall dating, telling him that he shouldn't bother himself with girls and that he should at least wait until college, or until he was serious enough about things to be with someone like that. It made sense, she was being protective, etc, etc, but it was hard to tell her that he was dating Jo and harder still to tell her that he was dating his best friend.

"Is this a person that I would be okay with?" she asked slowly, she being one to automatically assume all his friends did drugs and slacked off and were generally awful. It had taken a lot of convincing and saying Jo was a good student and that she's a good influence and all that shit to make her semi-comfortable with their relationship.

"Yeah, definitely."

"And how long has this relationship been going on?"

"Only a couple days, mom, I swear."

"Do I know this person?"

"Yeah, really well, I-"

"Dude, just spill it already," Carlos interrupted, giving Kendall a tired look and elbowing him.

"Yeah," Mrs. Knight agreed, Kendall averting his eyes from the mirror in fear that he'd have to actually look straight at her and tell her that he was actually seriously going out with the raging moron next to him.

"It's James," he said quickly, bluntly, before holding his breath and waiting for her to respond.

She laughed. "Very funny, Kendall. But really. Who is it? Camille? Didn't you just say she has a crush on Logan?"

Kendall swallowed hard, regretting he ever raised the subject. No, scratch that, his idiot boyfriend raised the subject. He glared at James, expressing his newfound reason to blame him for something. Man, it was that kid saying that Chucky was trying to kill him. And his mom laughed. And then it really sucked when it was true and his mom found out. And then they threw Chucky in the fire, but maybe that was different.

"Mom, I'm totally serious," Kendall admitted, James and Carlos commenting vaguely and attesting to his statement.

"Okay," she said, sounding unfazed. "I guess we can talk about this when we get home."

And that was possibly the most impossible-to-read reaction Kendall could've gotten from her. He sort of wanted to know whether she was about to disown him, throw a party for them, or just have the talk with him, because he honestly couldn't tell at that point.

"Is it, like, a problem? Because, like…" Kendall trailed off, trying to sound as not-defensive as he humanly could.

"No, it's okay, I think James is a good guy, and that I approve of him. But I also think that at some point we should just talk about boundaries and things." She turned around for a moment to give him a look that clearly gave him the definition of 'boundaries', Kendall sighing. It wasn't going to look so great when they disappeared into the shower together.

They spent the remainder of the trip in silence, Kendall relieved that he wasn't hiding anything from his mother and that he was finally getting home and that he got to spend all the time he wanted for the rest of his days off having hot, dirty, pudding-less sex with James.

When they arrived outside the Palm Woods, Kendall's heart just started overflowing. As soon as the car stopped, he launched himself out and ran, up the walkway and in through the lobby, hurling himself over a table and couch so he could skid into the waiting elevator. He disregarded the random guy in there, jamming his finger into the floor 2 button repeatedly until the doors slid shut.

Only then could he even _slightly_ relax, finding himself increasingly pent-up and impatient at the slow pace of the elevator, but it was a nice feeling that James was still waiting for the elevator.

Unless he was taking the _other_ one. As soon as the doors opened enough for Kendall to wedge himself through he did exactly that, racing down the hallway at top-speed and going to dig through his pockets for the key. Except he didn't _have_ pockets. Because he was wearing the pants of some guy's mom who apparently didn't need pockets with his apartment key in them.

"Uuuuuuuuggggghhhh," he groaned, pounding on the door of 2J. "Katie, Logan, let me in, someone, help…"

"Goddamnit!" He heard the elevator ding, kicking at the door and throwing all his force against it. Footsteps were coming down the hall, _James_ was coming down the hall, it was all for naught!

Kendall flung himself against the wall one last time, putting all his weight on it and falling on the floor as Logan opened the door.

"Christ, man, what?" the brunette asked, annoyed, watching as a disgruntled Kendall picked himself up off the floor and ran off to the bathroom. He turned into the room, slamming the door shut and going towards the shower just before the door banged open again. James stood there, panting and slightly bent over, him and Kendall just sort of looking at each other before Kendall tackled the other to the ground.

"I thought we had an agreemfff!" James yelled, cut off by Kendall's weight on his chest. He tried to fight him off, both attempting to pin the other down in a war of flailing arms.

"I beat you!" Kendall argued, standing up when the other stopped moving and thinking James defeated. He got a towel from the cabinet, looking back to find that James had left. Thank _god_.

The blonde sighed, setting the towel on the sink before shutting and locking the door. He stripped down quickly, wanting so badly to just get in the shower already. And take a twenty minute shower and _then_ let James have his turn.

Kendall pulled back the shower curtain, screaming and stumbling back when he found that James was inside.

"Aha!" James yelled, pointing at his bandmate. "You thought you had me! But you have been foiled again!"

"Fuck you, James!" Kendall yelled back, putting his hands on his hips and waiting as James exited the shower. The former scoffed, turning on the shower and leaning against the wall. "Okay, that was amazing, how the hell'd you get in there?"

"Ninja skills, obvi."

Kendall reached out to test the water, adjusting the temperature to just below boiling and stepping in. He was first. _He _was first, and he was pointing at James and cackling as he revelled in the feeling of hot water running down his body. He yanked the shower curtain closed, hearing the satisfying slide of it shutting before he grabbed the soap and began to wash himself down.

Then James, unwanted, was entering the shower, newly naked and ready for trouble.

"Need any help with that pudding?" he asked, pressing himself up against Kendall's wet body, hot and flushed from the scalding water. The blonde let forth a noncommittal sound in return, gripping James' hair and forcing their mouths together. James brought his hand up to Kendall's, taking the soap from him and rubbing it over his chest.

"Yes," Kendall decided, pushing his hips forward and feeling his erection slip against James'. He shuddered at the slick contact, grabbing James' hips and backing them against the wall so that James could rut up against Kendall more easily. The friction was absolutely and utterly delicious, driving them both crazy as anything.

"Oh my god, James," Kendall groaned, leaning his head against the tile that cooled his back and closing his eyes. "You have no idea how good that feels."

"Yes I do," the brunette breathed, pushing his wet hair back from his forehead and parting from Kendall so he could catch his breath a moment. The separation brought him crashing back to reality, heart beating erratically as waves of just plain _energy_ coursed through him. "Ugh. I- turn around."

Kendall did as was instructed, bracing himself with his palms against the tile wall and sticking his ass up in the air. He looked back over his shoulder at James, who had a bottle of shampoo in his hand. He unscrewed the cap and stuck a finger in, coating it in the slick substance before capping and abandoning the bottle. Kendall gasped out as James's hand touched against him, index finger rubbing at his tight entrance before pushing in.

"Cavity check!" James exclaimed, sounding maybe a bit too gleeful and like a little kid on Christmas.

Kendall sighed, facing himself with the reality that James would probably say retarded things during sex for the rest of his life, things like 'release the kraken'. God forbid_ that_ ever happen again. Bottom line was, however, James fingers felt pretty okay all up in his business.

"I found a pudding," James sniggered, digging in deep with his middle finger and making Kendall splutter and push back when he found that spot he'd been looking for.

"James, whatever you did do it again," he demanded, James obeying and rubbing his fingertip forcefully in the same place as before. Kendall moaned loudly, kind of forgetting that his mom and little sister and oblivious best friend were in the awfully thin-walled apartment for a moment. "Y-you," he stammered, searching for words. "If you wanna fuck me then do it now cause one m-more second and I'm gonna come."

"And I do," James said to no one in particular, landing an extra hard jab of fingers to Kendall's prostate before removing his fingers. Kendall whimpered softly, flinching when he felt James' cock nudging at his entrance. James put one hand on Kendall's back and the other hand around his own dick, guiding himself into his boyfriend and groaning at the feeling of tight warmth around him.

"Christ, Kendall," he whispered, words nearly drowned out by the sound of the water cascading forth from the shower head. Kendall was making noise enough to make anything else he said unheard, the taller boy surprised he had the balls to be that loud in a house full of people. Well, maybe not_ that_ surprised, but still.

"Move," Kendall said forcefully, James complying and slamming in hard. Kendall grunted in pleasure, jaw tight and eyes shut as his fingers slipped on the wall trying keep him up. "Fucking hell, your dick feels so good in my ass," he told James, bluntly enough.

"Good," James growled, putting his hands on the wall on either side of Kendall's shoulders and jerking his hips forward repeatedly, ramming into Kendall until it started to feel like too much. Kendall let forth a loud, moaning whine with each thrust in, sounds stilted slightly when James slowed down, fucking the blonde with long, languid motions.

Kendall reached down to touch himself, letting a stuttering whimper when James pulled out and grabbed Kendall's shoulders, forcing him around so that he faced him.

"Didn't want to get it all messy again up in there," he explained breathlessly, returning to his previous rhythm of grinding up against Kendall harshly. Kendall was at a loss for any intelligent words, moaning again and sliding his hips back against James'. Moments later he was coming hard, entire body spasming with the force of his release. James followed in his footsteps, pressing his face into the other's shoulder to muffle his ecstatic groan.

James removed himself from Kendall, slowly, taking a deep, shaky breath and picking up the soap again. He lathered it over Kendall's body, kind of awestruck at how absolutely fucking flawless his friend's body was. His eyes met Kendall's, hands indulging and taking the liberty of sliding themselves all over Kendall, content with every curve and every angle they found.

"You're really beautiful," he mumbled, looking down, blushing furiously and feeling really dumb. Kendall laughed at his embarrassment, tilting his chin up and watching his reddened face.

"Were you talking to me, or did you see your reflection in the shower head?"

"I was talking to you, asshat," James laughed, punching Kendall playfully in the chest and pressing a wet kiss to his lips.

"Don't think I don't know your habits," the blonde said, a little stupidly taken by James' kiss.

"Kendall," James started, not really sure what he was going to say, or how to say it, or why he was trying to in the first place. "I, um, really, really like you. You're like, perfect. And even though the last day's been, well, you know, you were there, I'm so glad everything happened. Because it all led to this. Which I wouldn't trade anything for. Because I seriously love you, dude. I don't really even know what love is or how it works but from my understanding of things so far, I love you. I know it's not just the fact that you're the hottest guy to ever live, or that you're incredible in bed, cause I've been there with chicks and stuff. I've, like, never ever felt like this. And I don't know what the feeling is for sure but I'm gonna guess and say that I'm in love with you."

Kendall was silent for a long time, standing and looking down at his feet as the water from the shower hit his back and ran down onto the floor and into the drain.

"Gosh," he said, moving at last to lean against the wall and stare at the curtains. "It's been crazy as all fuck, James. I don't even know how I feel."

James' heart was thumping in his chest, wildly beating against his ribs with this raw fear that Kendall was just going to let him go. He understood if Kendall just wanted to fuck around, but that didn't make him any less afraid.

"But honestly, honestly, I think you got pretty close to what I'm thinking."

It took James a moment to find his voice. "Really?"

"Seriously."

"Truly?"

"Absolutely. Now I've run out of words so stop being retarded and come here."

James stopped being retarded and stepped up to Kendall, _his_ Kendall, silencing him with a sloppy kiss on the lips, holding onto his shoulders tight and never wanting to let go, ever.

"I don't think this could get much better," James murmured into Kendall's neck, wrapping his arms around his middle and holding their bodies together simply because he wanted to, and because he could.

"Hey homos!" Carlos' voice echoed down the hall. "There's sandwiches!"

"I lied," James admitted, taking himself away from Kendall and scrambling from the shower at the mention of food. The blonde did the same shortly after, turning off the water and grabbing his towel before James could get at it. He stuck out his tongue, wrapping the fabric around his waist and unlocking the door.

"Naked!" he yelled at James, racing from the room and towards the kitchen.

James sighed, happily even, leaning against the sink. Granted, he was towel-less, sopping wet, and still not particularly clean, but he didn't think he could be happier.


End file.
